soapie
The stars were startled awake by the thundering snores of the suns slumber,
and brought to being by the night.
They twinkled and bickered and were ailed with the task of holding the sky up
while the suns eyes were set to rest.
My thoughts screeched to a halt. The epiphany was the end. When I realized it all, time and motion and all of existence stalled. I never understood the world or life or love of what any of it meant. I didn't want to write a love story, but I didn't want to lie about the importance and relevance of the love I had for people. My life was centered around me, every time it would start becoming about someone else was when i lost myself and those were the doldrums, the droughts, and the floods of frustration. But now out of them with a clear view looking in, those are the times I give my past self a candy bar and a pat on the back because I got through every 'fuck you' the world shot at me without killing myself. I still owe it to him, but the oddest thing about loving him was that I never wanted to touch him. With every crush, every love interest I've ever had I've always wanted the warmth of their body around me and the touch of them on me and I would daydream about it constantly. But with him, I never noticed until now that I never had an urge to touch him and I was mentally incapable of imagining any situation where he loved me. That sounds sad, but I'm not sad. I love him. I love you. I love his soul and everything within his piercing eyes and to a degree where there was no physical interest because in this day and age that physicality has been ruined and plagued and poisoned with self-interest and insincerity. I didn't want his body, i wanted his soul and his heart but it wasn't up for auction and was he wasn't bidding for mine. I dont care, none the less. I know I love him because I don't care about mutual feelings or having him as mine physically and mentally. I'm in love with him because he doesn't love me and im in love with him because he loves himself and that he speaks his mind and there are no things getting in the way of his thoughts but also because of his ignorance and because he listens to what i care about and because he doesnt love me and i dont care. I love him because he makes me better, even if I never see him again, he makes me better. He makes life easier. He makes hope brighter. He makes me love him.
My thoughts screeched to a halt. The epiphany was the end. When I realized it all, time and motion and all of existence stalled. I never understood the world or life or love of what any of it meant. I didn't want to write a love story, but I didn't want to lie about the importance and relevance of the love I had for people. My life was centered around me, every time it would start becoming about someone else was when i lost myself and those were the doldrums, the droughts, and the floods of frustration. But now out of them with a clear view looking in, those are the times I give my past self a candy bar and a pat on the back because I got through every 'fuck you' the world shot at me without killing myself. I still owe it to him, but the oddest thing about loving him was that I never wanted to touch him. With every crush, every love interest I've ever had I've always wanted the warmth of their body around me and the touch of them on me and I would daydream about it constantly. But with him, I never noticed until now that I never had an urge to touch him and I was mentally incapable of imagining any situation where he loved me. That sounds sad, but I'm not sad. I love him. I love you. I love his soul and everything within his piercing eyes and to a degree where there was no physical interest because in this day and age that physicality has been ruined and plagued and poisoned with self-interest and insincerity. I didn't want his body, i wanted his soul and his heart but it wasn't up for auction and was he wasn't bidding for mine. I dont care, none the less. I know I love him because I don't care about mutual feelings or having him as mine physically and mentally. I'm in love with him because he doesn't love me and im in love with him because he loves himself and that he speaks his mind and there are no things getting in the way of his thoughts but also because of his ignorance and because he listens to what i care about and because he doesnt love me and i dont care. I love him because he makes me better, even if I never see him again, he makes me better. He makes like easier. He makes hope brighter. He makes me love him.
She shook him, grasped his hand and squeezed. Only wanting a response. He had forgotten her, he had left her to go and life his life and now even her touch does not exist. A hello is merely a whisper in the air and his mind is consumed by things more important to him.
writing since 2013 · 5 entries · 4 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Sophia showed up.
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the words Sophia reaches for
lovecaretouchinterestnowthoughtsselfbodymentallysadsouleyesdontbettermindheart