tharrison
Never again.
I say that all the time.
But I don't mean it.
I can't mean it.
You're in my head.
I can't shake you.
I can't.
So I say never
And you nod and agree.
But we'll just keep going
and going.
Until we say never again.
I'm not that girl.
The giggly girl.
The batting eyelashes girl.
The winky, flirty, hair flipping girl.
Except sometimes I am.
Around you.
I hate it.
That's not me
But it's the only way you like me.
Deep inside I know that means you don't really like me.
I don't dwell on that fact.
If I did I'd flip
And my world would crumble.
I thought I knew better.
That I wouldn't be fooled again
By something so simple.
But all it takes is a glance
To see the glimmer
And I'm falling
Gone again.
Doodle hearts in your notebook
all you want, hun.
Doesn't change the fact
that life isn't fair.
He's never going to be yours
and if you wait a few years
you'll see that he
would've been the worst thing
that could happen to your heart.
I suppose I should look happier, excited.
Two of my best friends just got married
And I'm pathetically moping in the corner.
I was so looking forward to this day,
My friends very much deserve it to be perfect.
But he brought her,
And it's all I can think about.
The bride gives me a look that says many things.
It's apologetic
But also pleading.
"Please don't have bad memories of my wedding."
So I get up and celebrate
My heart break.
I walked down the avenue
Leaving the house I'd known
My whole life.
I wished more than anything
That nothing would change
While I was away.
That's impossible
Of course.
But a girl can dream.
I turned off that avenue
And onto a new road
With a new adventure.
If you're always afraid
Like I am
People like to point out
That you can't succeed if you don't try.
They don't understand
They're looking at it the wrong way.
It's more important that
You can't fail
If you don't try.
I crane my neck to find you
You're across the room
Talking to a
Very
Important
Person
But you feel me looking at you
And glance my way
You smile
I smile
And we go on
Keeping our secret a bit longer
If only just for fun
I was definitely born in the wrong era
Can't decide when would have been best
Love the glitzy extravagance of Marie-Antoinette's France
The newness & edge of the 20s
I'd have been a superb flower child
If there were some way to combine these
I'd jump back and forth
Through history
Avoiding the bad parts
Like I wish I could in life
don't tell me about structure.
my life is simultaneously
structured and completely
aimless.
i wouldn't think that was possible
but it's the very structure that
makes me realize its
uselessness.
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writing since 2010 · 22 entries · 22 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Tabitha showed up.
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the words Tabitha reaches for
girlchangeheadmusicwishmeanfriendslookinghappenedbitroomsmokecoursebehindringangry