theomnisquid
The visit was short. Much shorter than he had intended it to be. But seeing her lie in the bed like that. Alive but with no life, he just couldn't bear it. He ended up outside her hospital room, hand splayed over his face trying to keep the sobs from breaking out. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away.
She looked in the mirror and frowned. Hand reaching down to pinch her right side. Too big, too much. Her mind screamed at her. She sighed heavily and dropped her hand back to her side, sweeping her gaze over her body. Why couldn't she be like all those tiny little models they show in the magazines?
Today was the day. She stood at the front of the class and cleared her throat. The words flowing from her mouth. She ignored the way everyone ignored her. She was used to them turning their faces away from her. But she would not let it bother her. She had practiced this speech for weeks. She had it perfected.
He stops at the edge. His toes slightly over, he holds his breath. He can do this, he doesn't deserve to live anymore. He has sinned so much in his life. Taken so much from others. He closes his eyes and wills his heart to stop beating so fast.
She stared at the stars overhead. "A few degrees to the north, Mister Hamstein." She shouted out to her first mate. She let a small smile slip unto her lips. They were almost there. She could feel it in her bones. Ten years they had been chasing this treasure, but now they were almost there.
His tears flowed freely over his cheeks as his lover was lowered into the ground. He stood away from the crowd, no one coming over to wish him well or offer condolences. His lover's parents and siblings didn't even spare him another glance. He knew that in their eyes their son and him were nothing. It didn't matter the long years they had spent together.
The man was corrupt. She knew it. And she knew he would corrupt her. As she lie in the bed with him slowly creeping up the sheets towards her, she wondered why she put herself in this situation. She was a good girl, she wasn't like this. She didn't sleep with politicians to further her own self. But her she was in the senator's bed.
"It was just a rock". She told herself over and over again as she smoothed the small pebble in her hands. A rock that some boy had given her when they were five. He had told her it was their promise to each other that they would marry when they grew up. And now she was here at his wedding as he married another woman.
You must be this and you must be that. You can't be who you want or do what you need. It is all take take take. And there is never any given back. There is not time to breathe, no time to stop. Close your eyes even for a second and you could lose everything.
Stella sat on the floor of the library. Back pressed against a bookshelf and tongue slipped out on to her bottom lip. The heavy reference book open in her lip. Her fingers moved softly over the words on the pages as she tried to find exactly what she was looking for.
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