unless68
sweat seat
heart leak
underwater preach-
er pounding to the beat
drip up your neck onto your thighs
sting your eyes, worthless surprise
is it all free will or is it actually all force?
Do you want to be forced? Will you make a decision otherwise?
Is it better to retain your will and choice but not get everything done
or is it better to be told and then please everyone?
Autonomy or compliance?
deadbolt
lock you in
perfect control
hate poetry
stop making rhymes
I can't lock nothin in
can't do shit about my life
except me
nothing else I have a say in.
I cry and nobody cares
stupid teenage problems
ro
bot,
performing the day's work
ro
bot,
smiling when needed
ro
bot,
emotionless and cold
ro
bot,
burning on the inside
for some expression
for some freedom
late at night when you are sad
but then you wake up and it's
ro
bot...
Well, plans scare me right now,
Whether about college in the fall
Or this concert we're going to this month
Or even school this week (tomorrow)
Next season
month
week
And it all starts tomorrow.
I seem like I am "almost" everything I can/want to be. Almost pretty enough. Almost eating well enough. Almost finishing everything in school. I get a B, not an A. C-, not a B. "Almost got there," you say. "Try harder next time?" "Come on, you have so much potential. Stop being 'almost'."
Looks like I'll always be almost there.
long keychains are dumb
everything is dumb
why do I think I am so much better than anything I deem "dumb" "stupid" or "unworthy"?
I have been told too often I am of great worth, and told too often by myself
but I'll think I'm just another potato in the bag if I consider and accept that I am worth the same as every one of his ex-girlfriends.
I admit
I cannot save you
I admit
you may hurt more than you help
I admit
I can do better than this
I willingly surrender
that I need to do greater
that I can do greater
that I shall do greater
I have an untapped potential to change
my own world,
radiate outward,
through family,
friends, schools,
towns, nations,
the world.
Give me an elixir
To warm this heart
To quell its pulsings
of irresponsible wants
Pulse through my body
Cure my mind
Calm my soul
of tremors and disloyalty
Threre weeks. I thought we wouldn't last longer than three weeks, that I'd go back to him in time. That his heart would be tugging too strongly on mine and the memories too great. I still don't know who's better for me, or rather, whom I'm better for.
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