verbomaniac11
i felt like i could accomplish anything. my mind was in the right place, my ambition had seen levels unlike anything recently. it probably wasn't much to someone who wasn't mentally ill, but to me, it was everything. i hoped to parallel the success i was achieving and see the effects it had firsthand, but until that happened, i would simply have to wait.
i was locked into a unique sort of position after i perused my old writing. i felt that i had started to embody my old self, in some ways the person i wanted to be again. i was a free spirit, i was engaged in what i did, i expressed myself on the page with all of these words and warped them to fit my various needs. i expressed myself.why can't i do that anymore? i'm struggling so much with it.
I questioned my own behavior. Sure, I knew I was always weird, but this? If anyone found out, all of my dignity would be gone without an infinitesimal shred spared. I had to have a crush on this guy, and he had to find out. Now was the time to see how he would react. Taking a deep breath, I entered the room and awaited the first word from his lips.
this word reminds me of how penguins in antarctica huddle really close together with like an inch between each other and when they get so close they can reach temperatures of 60 degrees fahrenheit inside their own bubble alone. it seems impossible- akin to finishing a novel, but i need the motivation from friends.
it was one hell of a feeling to log in and see the name pop up on the website at the top of the page on the right, underneath the paper notification button dotted with yellow and flashing every ten seconds as if it could give someone a seizure. she was delighted, and there was no other way to describe the feeling.
they dangled as smoothly and easily as liquid mercury or bromine off of her ears from the little holes that had been marked there since childhood. everyone could see them captivatedly, and it was almost as if an entire face could fit through the hoops that complimented her dress so elegantly.
there was an area of the school, the one hallway where no one wanted to walk through, but overall just a patch in the framework of the entire school. no one remembered anymore even why they skipped it, and only one student ventured through. she knew why and she really did not mind the reason; the patch held secrets that no other student would know about, and with that she was content.
i felt trapped, intoxicatingly cornered in the small room, save her sitting across from me. tears brimmed her eyes, and how much i wanted to hold her, but i couldn't after the accident. i went over to her and sat next to her. there was nothing to say as the tears fell, and at last i laid against her side and let her wrap her arms around me until we were once again at harmony.
we had changed to the conditions of the environment presented for us in unison, convergent evolution that had also changed the way we interacted. the awkwardness found between the two of us eventually faded away into nothingness as over the nights we began to have longer and more lingering conversations that left a mark in my brain and reminded me that even though he wasn't someone extremely significant, he cared.
that word that they use nowadays, swag, he looked like he had it. he walked in cocky as hell and acted so slick and sultry as if he didn't care about anything at all. it was sickening to even watch, and she hoped she never had to meet him.
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writing since 2014 · 16 entries · 16 days shown up
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