writingsecrets
Slowly, i walked through the dim lit street alone. The smell of oil still lingering in the air along with ashes. I felt stupid walking, why wasnt i running? So much had happened in the last 27 minutes and all i could think about was the heat of the flames againt me face, and his.
I was certainly deserving of that role, she did not deserve it. Who had been at this school all her life? Me. And who had just starting attending this year? Her, Therfore I deserve it! So what if she's the better actor, ive worked harder for it, to earn my spot in the club. She just took it away from me, just like that.
It was, oh what's that word? Profound. Profound! Profound the way he spoke those words to me. Although i knew he was leaving, he never stuttered as he declared his love. They watched. Maybe they laughed, but they way he said it couldn't have been more beautiful to anything id ever heard in this whole scarce world.
I could feel it between us. Mutual hate. Well my mom always told me to never use that word because of its hard meaning buts its true. She hated me, i hate her. Not because she stole my crayons in second grade kind of hate, but the kind that makes your throat all scratchy when the teacher asks you to read your personal love poem to Jimmy Erics in front of the entire class kind of hate. It was pretty strong. Wasnt sure why she hated me so much. I couldn't say I did nothing to hurt her. That would be a lie and a half. The half part is what i worry about and its what im going to figure out.
Clipped like the toesnails of my soil.
I once knew a fellow, (as gross as this may sound) who kept his finger and toenails, in fear of a part of him being gone and stripped away. Sure, they would eventually gather in dust and slowly wither to air, "but at least," he would say, "they would go in there own time, not because i forced them." So now as i see my heart being torn away from my body, i realize it was you who clipped its pieces and all this time i should have kept them hidden away in a jar.
I couldn't think, it sat right in front of me. I was warned and warned again. Don't do it. But how could i not? I wasnt the only one who felt this way. Lost and alone. It was so easy to just take it and feel like everything was normal for a few hours. But I knew what happened to Allesse. This was truly just plain poison.
I saw it. And it was nothing like i had ever seen before. Its eyes. They looked right at me. Its feet. It ran right toward me. Its heart ,and mine, i knew were beat fiercly as i stroked her chin. Had i ever had a moment like this with and actual being other than the sky. No. I always wonder why.
Repeat. Repeating again. Repeating the thoughts that i pushed back so far away. Thoughts i never thought would hurt this bad. But throught the wind and the rain i can now clearly see that they would won day help me get back to who i was.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Its the same every day and im tired of it. Today im going to do somthing different, out of my comfort zone. But thats not me. I need to get out of me once in a while. I need to jump, try and touch the clouds in my mind. If anyone could do that it should be me, right? Im truly the only one in charge of myself right? But can I actually. Can i do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it?