aleshia
It was smoky. A quarter to two...two am. I wanted to cry. I was so tired. My eyes burned from the smoke. It saturated my clothes, my mouth, my mind. It was all I could think about. Until I saw him...across the room. He was playing billiards, a cigar tucked idly in his lips. Suddenly it wasn't so smoky, suddenly I felt like playing billiards...
She was the dominant one in the relationship. You could see that a mile away. Funny how outsiders can see things so much better than the people involved. Simple things. Yet important things. Things that will eventually break down, tear apart, offer hurt and heartache. But they don't see it...they are blind to it, until one day...little by little...the dominance chips away the other person's dignity...until they just turn and walk away.
I lost control that night.
For the first time.
It was windy and dark. I was driving too fast, the music was too loud, and I didn't spot the glow of headlights coming over the hill.
It was a dirt road...with freshly placed loose gravel. I swerved, fought for control, fishtailed all over the road. I saw Lindsey brace her hands against the dash as I yelled, "I'm losing control, we're gonna hit the ditch!"
I used to collect keychains. Small and large, puppies, kittens, crystals, and cheap plastic ones. I still have them, in a dusty box of forgotten childhood treasures.
I dropped the glass on the floor and it shattered into a million pieces. Deceptively beautiful, the jagged shards strewn about the kitchen floor glittered in the golden afternoon sunlight. It was like standing among a thousand stars.
You gotta love them. Those cackling, gossiping, hugging and overly-inquisitive group of relatives who always show up only at weddings and funerals. They want to know everything about you in a five minute span, and then spend the rest of the time regaling you with pictures and storries of your 3rd cousin once removed that you last saw when you were two.
I meant to tell him. I wanted to tell him. But somehow every time I tried...I got sidetracked. First he seemed busy and I needed his full attention before I told him. Then the next day at lunch, our server seemed ultra attentive...the chatty sort that wants to ask about your day and tell you about hers. Ugh...I got sidetracked making small talk and didn't get to tell him then, either. And today...today it was raining. Long driving sheets of ice cold rain. The kind of blowing misery that renders an umbrella completely useless. Drenched and cold when I walked into his office, and he looked up, his sunny smile a sharp contrast to the storm outside. I a rumble of thunder drowned out his greeting. I responded..."wow,check out that rain..."
I miss the endless summer days of my childhood. When every day is golden and warm, and the grass is green and soft under bare feet. I miss splashing in a crystal clear pool, taking rambling walks through golden fields and long naps on hot afternoons under a cool fan. I miss the feeling that my entire future is stretching out long and endless before me, and every day is full of adventures.
I was on the verge of sleep, drifting in and out of wakefulness when something tickled my chest. The fan was on and I assumed it was simply an errant strand of my long dark hair. I ran a hand over my chest, halfheartedly, hoping I got it. Darn, no I didn't...now it was tickling my neck...wait...now my chin...now my cheek.
It wasn't a wayward strand of hair...it was something alive...traveling on to my face!
I slapped my cheek and with a yelp, dove out of bed.
I was on the verge of sleep, drifting in and out of wakefulness when something tickled my chest. The fan was on and I assumed it was simply an errant strand of my long dark hair. I ran a hand over my chest, halfheartedly, hoping I got it. Darn, no I didn't...now it was tickling my neck...wait...not my chin...now my cheek.
It wasn't a wayward strand of hair...it was something alive...traveling on to my face!
I slapped my cheek and with a yelp, dove out of bed.