Erika-Akire
I sometime figure more about myself by listening to others.
When i am unsure, unaware, or unhappy i always start with gathering what i know to be true. The truth cannot be swayed by my emotions.
A raise in her gaze, tilt of her face, the tinted blush of her cheeks, a tip tap tilt of the corner of her smile begingin to bend upwards. Her eyes signal to me, her lips speak to me all the words she is too much of a lady to say out loud.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming greif, deep contrition, and unspeakable love"-Washington Irving. He knew what a weakling is not, and what power is.
I am startled. I am nervous. I am scared. Until this point i have imagined myself very aware of my surroundings. One noise interrupted my piece of mind and it is unsettling. A knock, just one. A small one. That is all it takes to make me rethink me entire plan, as i creep towards the open door. I feel the nerves in my stomach dance around and overflow up to the back of my throat. I change my gaze to the black ocean floor below me. My eyes adjust finally. It is a bullet. I dropped a damn bullet. At the beginning of all this i wasn't all to sure that i was going to follow through. Its always the same. I say goodbye to her, she waves and kisses my cold and unenthusiastic cheek and she leaves. Then i wait in the same spot thinking until i get my gun, put it in my pocket and put the bullets in my other pocket. I watch the streetlights blur until i arrive at the house she isn't suppost to be at. The house she says she hasn't gone back to since the first time. The house she says she has forgotten. Well i haven't. As i park in the alley down a ways, i find her car hidden as well. She has learned. I have too. This time i have made past the front door which is always unlocked. I guess someone still has trust around here. This time i have made it all the way upstairs; close enough to hear their rustling under the covers. Will they be surprised to see me? Did they hear the knock of the dropping of my bullet? Are they laughing at me in the shadows? I put my had on the gun in my pocket, i pull it out. I load my revolver with two bullets. I aim it at the lumps on the bed and i flex my hand a bit. It will all me over soon. I look with disgust as she wraps her arms around him in her sleep. As i am about to pul the trigger i start to sweat. I begin to sweat so much that the trigger becomes slippery. My eyes are blurred with the salty liquid fear i cant get rid will to stop. It's too much, they heard the kock i know it. I creep back out of the house and into my car, speed home in time for the sunrise, and sit in the same spot on the couch. I wait. I fall asleep and wake up to the sound of the front door opening. "Hi baby!" she exclaimed. I replied, "How was your mothers house?."
"Oh it wasn't too much fun, we just talked. I miss you"
"I missed you too" I said as i gave her a big kiss on her forehead. "Sometimes I think i go crazy when your away."