feelingtired
I can't help but count the minutes
every second passing slowly on my fingers
I can smell the sun
it will be a sweltering day
a sweaty mess
but I'll be happier than time
and the wait will have been worth it
all the tedious pain
grab my diploma and
be free.
A GIANT PUDDLE OF TEARS SURROUNDS ME AND IT'S MADE OF BLOOD AND BABIES
needles and pins, sprinkled on my feet and crowding in bunches are my toes, somehow eager to jump and pinch my skin, little bugs whispering in excitement on my heels. they're jittery and happy.
What if the roles were reversed? When I wasn't sheltered and tethered by pain all the time and you were? When I wasn't treated like a child and I could say "too bad" like a pompous wall of emotionlessness and you could do nothing about it?
I had a feeling we'd get along. Both in the same moment, trapped and captivated by the breaths you take and the sighs I let out. My hand raises up, limply acknowledging I'm here. You do too, shortly after. Both attendants in the same moment, caught in the stillness of time and together.
moments frozen in time, time that drags with each seconds and rolls over into minutes into hours and days. until weeks have gone by and moments flash past and even with the biggest hands it's impossible to snatch them up and keep.
And the sky had tears in its eyes
it grew dark
resilient enough
to believe that things would change.
Bluish nightmares
stalked by shadows and
battles with creatures
that fear;
beckoning for dawn.
She needs everything to be glittery. All of her materialistic nonsense. It's all got to have a silver lining. Dressed in diamonds and money. Sparkling everywhere, a wonderland of superficiality. It makes me sick, how she pays more attention to her platinum universe than she does me. My fucking sister, that jappy bitch.
I deserve more than this. I deserve to be happy, and to be held when it's cold. When the night falls, I deserve a big fluffy blanket and a mug of hot chocolate to keep me warm. And in the morning, I deserve the sun. The sun to make me smile. My smile to light up my face. My face to look for more than this. I deserve more than this.