mikusi
There are no excuses for being an absentee friend, unless you no longer want to be friends anymore. If that's the case, then I won't hold you here. You can go on without me. But don't look back and expect me to be there. I won't be. I'll be long gone, despite missing you. I deserve as much as you do.
That's all it takes to make you feel uncomfortable. That's all it really takes to make you feel pain; for something small and almost imperceptible to change your entire view on life. A sliver.
Our friendship used to be the anti-sentiment of traditional relationships. We used to be the poster-child of modern day, orientation-blind, genderless, limitless friendships. Now we're nothing but a fading memory.
Things have been turned around. We used to be close. You said things wouldn't change. That I wasn't a placeholder. But here we are. And I realize in retrospect that I've always known how uneven our relationship has been.
Be present. Be witness. Be attendant. Give back as much as you are given by another soul. If you cannot or will not, let go.
I'm a sucker. That much I know, but I think I have some resiliency to charms, in general. Hair flips and licked lips I can resist. But have and edge and bring some fire, jeez, I'm all yours.
Those are when I'm at my best; rainy days. Rainy nights. Rainy drives. Rainy walks.
Its probably my penchant for being alone that makes the rain what I gravitate towards.
Well, that's romanticizing the idea. Truth is, I don't like being alone - I just find myself in that situation more often than not.
So much for having faith in friends to stay friends.
Impact. The splash from your influence on other people isn't always under your control, and how much or how little of an impression they can garner from you at a distance isn't always telling of the truth of your being.
Its not easy to capture all the details of something. Sometimes all that we can hope for is to recall the feelings. The situations. The emotions. Those things are indelible. Those are the nuances that we come to miss. Not the definitions.
Someone is always at the short end of the stick, right? Someone is always more invested, has more to lose, yes? When it all rolls downhill, someone is always the catcher.
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writing since 2012 · 16 entries · 16 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Mikey showed up.
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the words Mikey reaches for
friendspainrainyfriendshipprovematterbaggagefaithfriendmissexquisiterareyesdriftingprobablytruth