mzdinkinerdd
knock knock. i was expect B to knock on my door today, but it turns out the front doorman won't let people in anymore. It's annoying. He tried calling me, but since we just left class my phone was on silent. He went to the hospital to get food, since I don't have food. =[ Because I'm poor. THen I assumed he was going to be able to get in, and just knock on the door. The knock never came. Just an angry B after calling F to go down & get him.
hmm i guess it's been a while since i've felt startled. i've been feeling more uneasy lately. I have been watching some exorcism movies with B, where i get a bit freaked out and anxious, but not really startled. I like being scared/startled. it's fun to scream. I really want to go to the haunted forest next year. it was lots of fun. we'll see, depends on my friends. don't be lame.
i think i have a tendency to embellish things. i've been wondering lately if i even have a mental illness at all. is my bipolar disorder just a manifestation of stress? some kind of somatization. maybe i just fake it. the symptoms don't feel as real s they describe. i can't tell but i still feel crazy. maybe i need to talk it out with my doctor. first i need to double check my insurance.... Please Lord accept my insurance. though i do not know if i can keep up with the co-pay.
I'm always trying to stall work. For instance, my research project. I've been dreading it for the longest time. I was actually assigned this abstract at the most opportune time after my last exam where I had a full month to work on it before my next test. I dreaded going into work and didn't like the thought of being locked in the library. I thought it would take much longer so I kept stalling and stalling. i finally completed it and it wasn't as bad I thought, so maybe I'll try to keep that in mind when I do research. That I should just eat the frog early and then get on with my life.