ohheyelaine
he fell asleep with her body wrapped around him, a beautiful picture of happiness. there was nothing that could get to them, no monsters they couldn't fight. they were one. they were whole. they were everything they had ever looked for and more. they were dragon hunters who chose to stay in bed all day.
i always wanted to be the creative one. in my mind, there were always different roles of human beings. there was the realist, and there was the creative mind. the artist. now i'm not so sure. now i think everyone is an artist. it's just a matter of working artists versus non working artists. i'm not creative enough to be creative.
no one ever told me to do it. I guess I always just kind of went with it. I'm not saying it didn't scare me. of course it fucking did. if I'm being honest, almost everything scares me. but there gets to be a point where you have to just do shit, even thought it scares the fuck out of you. that's how you become a man.
"what are you doing to me?!" he screamed to the sky above his head. there was no use. there was nothing. he had nothing left. nothing in the past. nothing in the future. god had abandoned him, he knew it, but he took this moment to give it one last great effort.
"god! where are you??!"
he took a deep breath to steady himself. there was nothing he wanted more than this. there was nothing he had thought about more often, nothing he had pictured every night before he went to bed. he didn't deserve this, he knew it. he knew how lousy he was.
there is always truth woven into the lies. there are always lies woven into the truth. no one will ever tell you the entire truth. no one will ever tell you something that is an entire lie. every human being has faults, and those show through in what they say and what they do and how they present themselves.
i've always wanted things. any human being would. but the things i want are simple. but still i never seem to get what i want. the only thing that i want more than anything is to be happy. i wish for it on every star; every 11:11. i just want to be happy like the other pretty, skinny girls who walk around the halls in their little skirts and designer uggs and they are always happy. i don't want to be depressed.
i love going to gym. it's just so fun. i have it with about the three best people in the entire world to have gym with. i really enjoy it, all the time. today we played volleyball in gym and it was really fun. i'm good at volleyball. we used to have to play hockeyy, which kind of sucked because it's a lot of work, but i was good at that too. i hate playing sports, but i love gym. go figure.
i love heels. i love walking in heels, and trying on heels, and looking at heels. i love people who wear heels. the higher the heel, the more confident you feel. that's my motto. i love how when i'm walking around in heels, i feel like the rest of this town is too insignificant for me. i love how it reminds me that someday soon i'll be living in the city and everyone will wear heels to the mall like i do.
i like to wander through my thoughts. i wander among the ifs and the maybes and the buts. i like to wonder while i wander. i actually think wandering and wondering might be the same thing. they come hand in hand in my vast expansion of thinking power. i wonder as i wander through my mind between the boys and the stress and the struggles. i wonder as i wandnder
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