porcelain
I can remember riding my scooter down the city blocks. It was always dark and a tad bit windy. Oh, those San Francisco nights.
I can remember the first time I ever got on the back of your red motorcycle. I could feel the wind trace the edges of my ears underneath the helmet while my fingers were laced together over your stomach. Nostalgia tends to get the best of me but I will always long for those windy rides in San Francisco.
I stare at the pixels in this silly little rectangle and decide that I will write until my eyes start bleeding from sleep deprivation. There just aren't nearly enough hours in a day.
Staring at the wall
I never meant to at all
Getting so lost in my thoughts
It gets hard to look across
Self-loathing and much greed
What in the world has come over me?
Hit my head against this wall
Break bad habits, break through it all.
The truth is, there is no end. It all goes on and on and on. Everything. Racism, homophobia, sexism, oppression..and worst of all? People don't necessarily "end" either. Yes, we may go but the memory of the path we once led will remain forever. It is up to you whether this becomes a good thing or a bad thing.
He just wanted a rise out of me. Once the tears fell down from my cheek he knew that's all he wanted. Some sick, twisted satisfaction he got out of seeing me cry..I was disgusted. And to call this monster a father? No fathers were present when I was raising myself.
I'd always been told that I'm doe eyed. So innocent looking with so little to say..if only they knew what goes on in this twisted head of mind. Maybe I wouldn't look so innocent anymore
I began to think about all of the things I have done to you. All of the ways I have tricked your mind. I feel no remorse. The third eye on the back of my skull knows better than to wallow in what could have been opposed to what is. This..this is how you think. This is how you begin.
I wish I could find the words. To claim you as mine would be the most beautiful thing in the world. It's too quiet here without you. One day.
Together...
Together. Alone. Together. Apart.
Together.
I just want to be next to you.
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