qkhanabi
One day, I will love someone like you once loved me. I will find someone. I will love him. I will hold him. I will keep him safe. I will create a universe around the meaning of us and create a lifetime built on promise and dreams. I will whisper to him that I love him and let my voice echo through the new world we made and the one that we will travel together. I will love him. I will love him. I will love him.
I will love someone like you once loved me. I will find him and lead him down a path where he will become even more lost because now all the maps are landmarked with our memories and all the signs are just scribbles of my name written and, most importantly, all the roads only lead to me. I will love him and let that love fade into disappointment, into annoyance, into frustration, into hate, into resignation, into indifference. I will hold him too tightly then let him crumble as I let him go and scatter his ashes into the wind. I will keep him safe until his burden becomes too heavy, then let him drown in his misery and listen to him gurgle as his lungs fill with sorrow, bubbles of air leaking out until they slowly, slowly stop. I will build a universe around the meaning of us and create a lifetime built on each beautiful moment like sands on a beach then let the tide wash it away into the endless ocean left behind. I will whisper to him that I love him and let those words echo through his heart when it all becomes empty and I will tell him that that voice is still mine and those words are still new. I will love him and convince him that there is no one else like him and no one else like me and no one else like us and now there is no one else, not even him. I will love him and let him fall. And when he reaches out to me before dropping into the darkness. I will smile and turn away. As I hear his screams and cries for help spiral into the shadows, as I listen to his soft whispers of self-assurance like playbacks of the words I spoke to him in the day fade into the night, I will let a tear fall for the time lost and emotions spent. As his voice dissipates and blends with the sounds and faces and memories of all the boys who came before and the ones who will come after, I, too, will disappear into the long dark nothing. As he falls into the abyss, I will be the one that crashes at the bottom. And the cycle will begin anew.
One day, I will love someone like you once loved me.
I don't know what I will do without you. I don't know how to define my life in terms other than roles associated with your entire being. I don't know how to be a main character in a book where I was only the supporting one in yours. I don't know. I don't know.
But I will have to try.
that's the secret. never break character. never break the facade. build up the stage and the audience will listen and follow and believe with all their heart that you are this character. but that's the one thing you can never do: break character. you are this person, so be it. it only becomes real when you start to say it is and the other reality that you are hiding becomes real when you let it be. so no matter what. never. break. character.
oh this is so fitting. it's insane. write everything you can in 60 seconds and dont think just write. hah. very funny. give me the word despair and expect me to write all i can in 60 seconds and not think. not think about you. not think about this. not think about anything but just the word despair and how i can write about it. right.
i wanted to be you one day. i wanted to be just like you. you had everything in my eyes. you held the sun, the moon, the stars, all of it contained in the tiny globes that i would stare into. you had goldfish in your soul, swimming around so happily. you had it all. you had me. and i wanted to be just like you.
i guess it would be easy to say that he stole her heart. but he didn't. the unsettling thing was that he stole the box she kept it in. he was there one night and gone the next, spiriting away the box with it. she guessed he didn't know what was in it. just that it meant something. and was, in all honesty, very, very heavy.