rbw170
It had been shown that she could be dependable and self-reliant. Lately, though, she had been checking out -- too often, too much, with too much damage. She was in a deep hole and needed to climb out.
i wanted to know what it would be like to raise children different than I was raised. it wasn't hard to indoctrinate a broad view of acceptance, a lack of fear of things unknown, and a general love of learning. these were her supreme goals. she may feel lacking as a mother at times, but it was ultimately beautiful.
I was raised by a strong father and a mother who found her strength after I was already formed. I was raised in the bible belt and didn't know any different for years and years. I was raised one way and learned I wanted to raise my children differently. I know that I am already doing things right by them. They have clear eyes and don't see differences as obviously as I did.
I wanted the motion to stop but it was comforting. I'd been doing it my whole life. Legs crossed, rubbing my toes together. It was interesting which of my friends and family ever noticed and commented on it. Some did. Some didn't. It drove some people nuts.
I wanted the configuration of the plants and candles on my altar to feel holy. But all it felt was contrived. How was I going to hook into my inner self if I was constantly grounded in my here and now which felt so stuck? I found a feather and the next day, a shell. It felt better.