sidmchenry
The bubonic plague was nothing, a simple bacterial infection that could have easily been cured if I were around.
That's right, I could have stopped the damn thing. I have antibiotics in all my bodily fluids.
Okay, not really. I just know not to kill cats when there's a fucking rodent outbreak in the cities.
Somebody once told me that I needed to wear more maroon. Of course it was a woman. Only females know colors.
A man knows only the colors in the rainbow. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet.
Chicks know so many colors. Maybe if they didn't, they'd have more room in their brains for things like driving.
As i cast the line into the lake, I knew I was going to murder something. Just the premonition, the thought, the knowing that a fish was going to bite on it and I was going to reel it in and kill it.
Imagine my surprise when a mermaid hooked herself on it and I hat to follow through.
I was trying to think one day (tough, I know, for me at least). Anyway, I was trying to think of a certain phrase to use to brighten up Christmas.
Then, I suddenly realized. I don't need a phrase.
What I need is a clause.
Oh thank the heavens and all below them for the death of the typewriter. It's clunky interface, the permanence of its mark, those endless bottles of White-out, good riddance to them all!
Now I can sit and contemplate a blank screen, rather than a blank page. And you can't compulsively check Facebook on a typewriter either...
Dammit, thirty seconds have expired already. I have no idea what to write. Stick to it, I suppose, keep on typing, get something out there.
Otherwise, the entire world will know what a loser you are and how right your father is. You'll never amount to anything.
"If loving Jesus is wrong, I don't want to be right!" he said as he reloaded the shotgun.
"BANG!" The report echoed through the cubicles of the tech support department, and another IT guy was cut in two by buckshot.
Between the sheets, I'm a man. Mortal, fallible, easily frustrated.
But outside them, I am a God. Confident, overbearing at times, ready to kick some serious tail without even taking names.
Such is the curse of having such a small piece of manhood.
My mom was one of those people who just couldn’t ignore the Home Shopping Network. Didn’t matter what was being offered, her credit card was always at the ready. She bought worthless sports memorabilia from those over energized idiots, fake jewelry, didn’t matter.
And when some third world country would offer new stamps of pop culture trends just to make money, she was there.
Guess some people get themselves off in different ways.
My mom was one of those people who just couldn't ignore the Home Shopping Network. Didn't matter what was being offered, her credit card was always at the ready. She bought shitty worthless sports memorabilia from those over energized idiots, fake jewelry, didn't matter.
And when some third world country would offer new stamps of pop culture trends just to make money, she was there.
Guess some people have sex in different ways.
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