somewhereinthefuckingbetween
There is such a vast difference between what I perceive and what is actually there. I don't know what else to say except that I prefer to live in my head rather than acknowledge reality.
the change in you was gradual, like the shifting of seasons. But we don't notice the gradual changes. One day the sun is shining and the next it's heat is dull and far away. One day you loved me, the next you were gone, gone, gone, mad for the world and done with me. I know you lost your love for me over a period of time but I didn't notice until it was completely gone, as were you.
When I look at you, something deep in my bones begins to stir. It's a feeling that has been ignored, neglected, from the very core of me, for years and years. I relish the feeling and yet I feel powerless when it comes to you. I am a fumbling mess, a bag of skin and bones and trembling nerves when you look at me.
I was never more determined than I was that night. I still remember my heart thrashing in my chest, begging to be released, pleading to get its way. My mind persevered and I continued walking away. I never saw you again.