sophieelizabeth
again
and
again
and
again
when I was younger I often got sad
but I wasn't sure why
my mum would always say:
just keep swimming, you're such a trooper
now I cry everyday
1000 miles away
from the mum
that kept me going
when I was sad
and so now
I need to try
to keep going
and call myself
a trooper.
hard like the crisp air of each winter morning
hard like the empty nights I endlessly face
hard like the cold disappointing stare from the reflection in my mirror
hard like the bourbon that touches my lips as I think about what has become of me
hard like the decision to down the drink, and a number more, to end it once and for all
Not sipping to feel numb anymore, but chugging to die.
here everything is connected.
we are all some how woven together like vines.
every little thing you do will effect someone you know.
because you know everyone.
and everyone is judging.
you.
like a grain of wheat in a stretch of field
so tiny in this world
so irrelevant
yet part of it all
bronze means not quite good enough.
bronze means not quite shiny enough to be gold.
bronze means a shrug of the shoulders.
bronze doesn't mean accomplished.
bronze doesn't mean proud.
bronze doesn't mean everything will be okay.
bronze means that I'm just not quite there.
Everything is put into perspective, I can live, things are alright.
But the minute you step through the door and our eyes meet, for the first time in 3 years, everything comes rushing back, everything is blown totally out of perspective and I feel a sudden pain in my heart.
I quietly gasp and know that it isn't going to be the same anymore.
To have something so good taken away from you every time you're just starting to grasp a hold of it, is hard.
It hurts.
It may seem pathetic,
but it is my own little calamity.
Shhh
Just listen.
She told me.
You think too much.
Do you ever take the time to just pause for a minute,
and listen to what someone else has to say?
It can be nice, slipping out of your thoughts and putting someone else in control of your mind.
You should try it sometime.