stapedius
i pulled the sleeves of your sweatshirt over my hands to feel invisible and all you could think of to say was i love you. for the first time since the day when i disappeared in a snowstorm, i wanted nothing more than to be lost, lost in you.
just this once, i would like to ask 'where did the order go? where did the control run away to?' because every time someone who's not you looks at me i want to cry because i miss you even if you're right there. and i'm not supposed to miss someone who's right in front of me, but i do. i'm stuck loving the ghost who used to tell me to pull myself together because i need you to hold me and tell me everything will be fine. otherwise, it won't be. nothing is going to be fine.
he's worried that she'll leave him. he's just
insecure, i said. but you know, sometimes i worry about
that too. i get scared you'll
just
leave.
you looked me in the eyes and said that you never would.
your words have been echoing through my ears and i hope
you know that i keep coming back to that moment and if you were to
break your promise i would never let anyone promise me the
moon or the stars that they conjure up from the black
holes of my eyes.
my stars won't
shine if you leave. please please don't
leave. i love you so.
you are my foundation.
did you know that my toes mark the beat to the music in my ears? did you know that my hands used to pretend like they were playing the chords i heard? did you know that my fingers stopped weaving melodies into the air when they realized that your voice was a symphony? did you know that my hands stay arched, with the space where your fingers should be as the deafening pauses in the song of you (silence is important in music)? did you know that i'm not good at listening to other people's melodies, or missing them into a silent space? did you know?
when you nurture me with kisses that you gently let slip from your lips to the top of my head, i know that i would never want to be anywhere but here.
the sky is seeping into your eyes and they reflect back all of the storms and the peaceful days that this earth has seen. my hopes for us are as high as the tip of the skyscrapers that make up our skyline. for now, i'll stay safe in your arms where the wind can't knock me to the ground.