waywardstardust
Click click click went the typewriter as I sat there, waiting to be called into my doom. The interview wasn't the scary part, it was the man inside. For you see, he was the type that always leered at his patients - he thought he knew it all and I was just another one of his girls that relied on him for mental care.
I looked over at the person typing and gulped, wishing that I could speak to the woman. I knew her well, but this was a professional place by day. She was the secretary of my heart in truth, keeping me on track. Her name was Sasha, and she loved me more than I'd ever loved myself.
As my name was called, I stood, gulping. Shoulders squared back, head held high, and an expression of seriousness on my face. I was going to confront what was wrong with me this time. I wouldn't fail.
As Mariana wandered through the trees that surrounded the property she currently stayed on, she saw a wondrous sight. Quickly, it ran in-between the tress in fright - but it hadn't been from Mari. No, she was a small girl and stood quite still when she wasn't walking, and never once tried to chase after an animal.
Yet it had been so wonderful, majestic, graceful. It had been the fluffiest white-tailed deer she had ever seen, and she smiled for the rest of the day in all of her silent glory. What a lovely animal!
there are certain things i must do every day;
like tie my shoes four times a day
or paint over the same canvas every weekend.
always make sure to count the steps from
the locker to the front desk seat and sit down -
quite carefully on the cheap plastic and
and pay attention and scribble notes
in the margins twenty times over
and over, and over.
and try not to think how everyone else
is happy and not stuck counting and
sitting and trying not to twitch and
push doorknobs to make sure the
nagging in the brain would stop.
it crashes into me.
the way we sit there in the dark
and stare at each other like we're
both supposed to do something
amazing - but we don't because
we both know what the other is
up to, don't we?
i raise my hand, prone to violence
in a way i can't control and you
just strike back against me, taking
all of me into your hands and up
against the wall - you're the strongest.
and as we struggle for domination
we both scream each other's names
until we collapses, shaking and warm
against the hardwood floors and dust.
have i ever told you i loved you?
as i stare at you you shout back, not
matching my disposition
and i blanch, though i am quite unafraid.
i take a step, stop. step again.
your looks are blaring like a megaphone
loud, loud, very loud.
'stay away' they scream.
i can't listen and you know it
so i step anyway.
off, off, off the bridge.
and as i fall i feel tears
of joy fall back into my eyes
for i have waited for this -
the concrete below felt as soft
as down.
the sticks were all arranged in a neat little pile. Mariana, pleased with herself, looked up to the treetops for approval, and the light swirl of the falling leaves made her grin and jump to her feet. Taking the topmost stick from the pile, she waved it over her head like a magic wand, mouthing unfamiliar words - as she didn't know how to speak - and dancing along the forested trail, leaving behind quite the atmosphere in her wake. Mariana loved the trees.
The cigarette smoke floated through the air. A huff was heard, and a shook my head to clear it. It was raining, and the haze in my brain was getting thicker along with the hazy nicotine scent that threatened to overtake me. I looked over at him, a rather shy look on my face, and squeaked, unwilling to touch the elephant in the room.
"Look," He said, the smoke falling out of his mouth with his words. "It just has to be this way, okay? We're going to leave this place."
Okay? The rain continued to pound against the window, mimicking my aching heart. Okay...
As the sky lurched forward, Mariana resisted the urge to bow along with it, respecting the way it seemed to lean away from her. In her silent ways, she wished to follow the eggshell blue and white space to the ends of forever, because it called to her. At once, she leaned forward, letting her soft auburn hair fall into her face as she returned the sky's welcome.