alaizquierda

alaizquierda

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Some people like being dominant. I'm not sure that I do. It comes with a lot of responsibility. Jose acted dominant and it got him pretty far, but really he was in my control the whole time, so he overcompensated. Dominance is an animal instinct, the urge to be better than someone else. Unsophisticated.

He was laid out on the stretcher, deader than dead. d-e-d. It finally killed him this time, mixing this with this and that with that, thinking he was invincible, not caring that he wasn't, half-hoping that he wasn't. Leaving everyone behind, not believing that he took a piece of each of us with him.

She wore one gold earring, which glimmer in the soft sunlight. It was the first warm day of the season and the earring was as golden as the light that illuminated the world around them. The earring was a microcosm of the golden universe in which they lived, in which all living things breathe together.

Listen, princess. Should conjure up images of grace and beauty, but only conjures up images of bitchiness and snobbery. I knew a girl names princess in middle school. I wonder if she acted like one. I used to genuinely think I was a princess. As in literal royalty.

Serene. The city skyline is an image of development, of the future...but not of progress. But focus on that line...the actual skyline. Like the horizon, but man-made. Blue skies, clouds. hope. A whole other world in the thin imaginary line where cityscape meets sky. Mornings. Beauty. Pure.

I had an epiphany to not argue with my own thought, because those are thoughts upon thoughts, which only lead to more thoughts. Step back from the thoughts. Don't give them any energy, that's just adding fuel to the fire. Don't suppress the thoughts. Just gently withdraw your attention from them and let them be on their merry way.

A castle would protect me, is the first thing I thought of. Protect me from what, exactly? Why am I so afraid, all the time? I am realizing that all of my negative emotions stem from fear. Anxiety is a part of fear. Anger justifies my fear. It's physical. I want to lock myself up in a castle and not have to deal with anything, cold stone hallways and warm cozy beds.

I want to write about the word exhaustion. Because that is all I can feel. Mutual. Symbiosis. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. I can still feel the way it makes me think. Which is normal I guess. Mutual. Flow. Cooperation. Happiness. Serenity.

spring is smells of water and life of newness of freshness of rain and flowers but different rain warm rain, happy rain not cold, fall rain which is beautiful in its own way. spring is what it is it is life following death and then death follows life again no spring without winter

I am always preoccupied. The spanish word for worried is preocupado. I'm previously occupied by whatever's in the past or future, but never with what's in the present. That's what this last trip showed me. Magnifying glass. Life in HD. It makes you see yourself more clearly, and it showed me how fluid self-perceptions really are.

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writing since 2011 · 26 entries · 24 days shown up

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on this day 15 years ago

chilimango wrote about level
“take it to the next level, that's what we're always told. what does that even mean? can you be level-headed and take it to the next level? Or should you take it to the next level of level-headedness?…”

the words chilimango reaches for

levelwriteyourselfsupposedstepmanagechancerainthoughtsenergyanotherwordgarlicjobwholenow