alonewithasinkingfeeling
The fragrance of decay
the stench of false smiles
I will not speak
This is all too much
Tonight, tonight
I can't go on
A shell
Silent
Is she okay
No
Of course not
Idiot
Believe me
This is not okay
True emo
Glaring silently in the corner
There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Leave her alone
She won't talk to you
Slice, slice, slice
Red lines appear
In the dark little emo corner
Nobody cares
Every day
Speak out
No
Why should I speak
Speech is silver
Silence is golden
365 silent days
125,600 unspoken minutes
You say you're sorry
For what it's worth
Nothing
Not a word
Silent treatment
As my voice dies
My personality flourishes
As I get more into writing
No speaking
Only writing
Don't think
Don't speak
Just write
Just feel
Silence is broken
WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing
Of course
I miss the silence
Wrench my heart out
Leave it bleeding on the floor
Stomp on it
Crush it beneath the weight of your oppression
Boot on the chest
Pressing down
Can't breathe
Going down....
Losing what's left of me
Numb
Unfeeling
Plastic
Memories disappear
Washed away
All that's left is this cold
Preppy
Plastic
The daughter you've always wanted
Blonde
Happy-go-lucky
Partying
She's not me
The real me is in hiding somewhere
But she isn't in control anymore
As if she ever was
It's been a fight to survive
A fight against becoming...this
My mind
My spirit
Is broken
Tired of this
But what can I do?
I see the capsules
White
Pure
Inviting
Nobody's looking
Take the bottle
The whole thing
Put on my old face
My death mask
It looks strange somehow
Eerily familiar
A ghost of my past
Distracted for a moment
Forget my purpose
Right.
The pills.
Stand proud and tall
Take them slowly
One after the other
Until I feel sleepy
Going down...
Sweet oblivion
I'm finally out of there
No pain
No nothing
Peaceful bliss
Suddenly
Wrenching pain
Sucked backwards
Into the vortex of the real world
I'm alive!
Why??
Have you lost your fucking mind???
Yes.
I have.
And you'll never find it.
Boot on the chest
Pressing down
Can't breathe
Going down....
Again
He did it again
He made me feel good
My heart's like jelly
Sweet and wobbly and unstable
Full of love
Where did I go right?
How did I get a father like you?
This family is perfect
Just you and me
Nobody else
Just us
There has never been anything else
It's always been us
Me, you, and friends
Share and share alike
Love and love alike
Suddenly
The jelly trembles
Wobbles
Collapses
My world turns dark
I see
I see
You
Clutch your chest
Gasp for air
What do I do?
Cellphone
Call 111
Help me
But I can't get the words out
I'm suffocating
Drowning in my panic
They trace the call
I hang up
Pass out
I come to
Mum in tears
Your father's passed away
No
This can't be
He was just
I was just
We were just
WHERE IS HE
I go numb
Quiet
Dark
Fall into a hole
I never climb out of
Everyone moves on
But me
I
Will
Never
Forget
Lean on me
And I will crumble
Push me
And I will fall
Don't touch me
I'm
Broken
Breaking
Seeking solace
But nobody cares
Nobody comes
Nobody helps
My only friend is Silver
He's sharp
Made of metal
He listens
He cares
He helps
I let him hurt me because I feel better when he does
He's like a drug
I can't give him up
I don't want to
I lean on the wall
Panting
I went too far again
Let's see how this plays out
I'm seeking comfort
I'm seeking consolation
I'm seeking solace
From you
If you'll listen
If you'll have me
I'd like to let myself out now
I'll talk to Silver
See what happens
See if he can get me out of here this time