ankitjc
As I read today's word, I chuckled to myself. It is the word I have been toying with, weighing, to make sure I am worthy of applying it to my description.
It has been a year since I left architecture, since I started my new job. A year of big and small changes, adding up to who I am today. It has been a year of becoming accountable for things. That is a big one for me.
Recently since I few months I find I am pretty happy, and I am still missing some thing. I don't want to know what it is, afraid that finding out won't be of much help.
I tried to be more selective of what I am saying, but I still blabber on.
The world is being broken down by systems, demanding the loyalty of its participant gears... It was a lot more complex and yet a lot more simpler when there was only the systems of nature, where life and death and everything existed in harmony... Freewill comes across as a myth to me sometimes, because my will is still bound in the premise of my social, financial, geographical order (to name a few) and also by what people perceive my abilities and limits to be... Nature never asked for such order. Even in nature freewill is a myth, yet within its system mankind was not bound in its own games and foolery.
I hope some day we can rise beyond race, continent, countries, religion and class, because these systems only give power to some and don't allow progress - where currently luxury is deemed as progress (only progress in lifestyle, NOT of mankind) - and we can hope to seeing existence beyond the speck in space we call home.
Both the men sat in a restaurant where the other tables were empty. They were either oblivious to that fact, or well suited to that knowledge.
They stared at each other. It wasn't a staring contest, each was observing the movement of the other, every squint of the eye, every blink, a momentary frown. They were looking for whatever signs they could get of where the other was going to take the conversation next.
A monologue of thoughts played in the background, spelling thoughts of of a man sounding distraught. The window behind the two men played the scene of a someone's point of view, where hands were typing away at a screen, occasionally one coming up to look at his cell phone.
The hand kept looking at the screen of his cell phone like something was being waited for. Indeed the voice spoke of her fondly, waiting for some kind of signal that she too thought of him as he did of her.
As those lines were being spoken the man on the left looked at the window, appearing to sympathize with the voice. The man on the left shrugged it off.
The view in the window started to move as the voice silenced for a few moments. The scene passed through a door and into a restroom, where the view showed in a mirror the man running the whole play. The two men in the restaurant seemed to momentarily become one, As all three of them recognized their identity as one.
As the man washed his face and moved out, his mind again split into the two conflicting sides in him.
The window blacked out as the eyes closed. The two men inside began to converse.
The man on the left began telling the man on the right, "Holding on is destroying us, this needs to stop."
The man on the right replied, "Is it? don't you think we at least deserve to dwell in what we have left, even if it is just memories?"
"Why do you turn a blind side to what is really going on? That we are trying to live a lie? She is in the past, all our fears are in the past. Why do we keep digging back there?"
"Because... because we are scared of moving on. It feels like we are dying and some one else is taking our place."
"That is not true, we are the same person! How can we change, we belong to the same mind. We know we are right, do we not? We need to stop finding reasons for putting off our life, our work, our goals in life. We can not forever be afraid, we can not throw away this opportunity to be something over... over.. "
"Say it, we need to say it, we need to hear the truth... We are speaking rightly. We do not have the strength, but if we admit our fault we may become free.."
"We are not going to sit by and let us throw away our life because we we have stopped wanting anything from life. How could she or anyone else hurt us so much that we are afraid of caring for any one else, afraid of caring for our self? We have come to be afraid of intimacy, of vulnerability, I understand that. But we need to urgently over come it. This is not acceptable by any means. We need to let go of it all... We need to accept not being perfect.. We need to look Ahead."
Thank you, to all the wonderful writers on oneword you all inspire me so much. You free my mind from my two eyes and perception.
And thank you to the people who follow my activities, and who have appreciated me. It shows me that I don't write too bad (I am still such an amateur, struggling to find my creative spark... Only work on feelings and notions).
Thank you all
When one reviews the past couple of decades, it shows you how impatient humans have become, how everyone wants everything right now (just because it is possible). Who decided that right now is the best time to have things? Moments seems to empty and fast moving, the only thing I can remember from my last week is having sat on a chair and doing nothing, observing people passing by. What is the hurry?
Hello again my dear friend,
I know the last time we didn't end things that well. I fell in love with you, and you always understood. I knew you'd probably never love me back, but it was a risk of getting heard I took. i was happy, just being by your side, being your support, how you were to me when I lost my way. I'll always be thankful to you about being the best thing that happened to me, and I will always feel bad on making true the statement that a guy and a girl can never be just friends.
In a way I was glad you stopped talking to me after a year of being closer than anyone else, because i learned to be free of you and stand on my own emotional legs. Now that you've come back and apologized for all things that happened, I feel better about our mistakes, I'm glad you thanked for taking the time to understand you, not everyone appreciates it.
Now that you are seeing someone, I knew we couldn't go back to being the same, all those nights where we'd fall sleep to each others voices, wake up to each others' texts, the whole day you'd tell me about everything that happened, and I only spoke of my triumphant moments. Still, I hoped somewhere we could be as close friends as before, now that I don't love you anymore, but your distant conversations and late replies, it all shows me I screwed up big time. I'm glad you had understood I needed to be away from you when I was heartbroken, even more glad that you came back.
I wish in time we can go back to where we were. Till then, Good Night.
The poor cab driver was complaining to his customer about his money problems. He kept on and on about how he was in debt, how hard it was for him to get by. The passenger was generous enough to hear him out, though he wished the cab driver would stop complaining and victimizing himself, because he felt somewhere everyone was facing a troubling life in these troubling times.
But the passenger kept listening and responding to his ability without entertaining the self deprecation of the cab driver. He did not want to be rude, and knew how good it felt if someone just heard him out from time to time.
Somewhere in the one sided conversation the cab driver started to look at the expensive cars going by and commented on the possible value of each of their owners in a manner that he was trying implying that if those rich people had the money, why couldn't he have a good life like them?
The passenger honestly felt like shaking the cab driver into his senses and stop his ranting. But then the cab driver spoke of his neighbour, with whom he had bought houses side by side at the same time. The cab driver spoke of how his neighbour had come to be richer than him, and how he had begun to avoid him in all manners. The driver said that he being the inferior of the two, he couldn't take the first step to question his neighbour or make amends.
The passenger tried to say all he wanted in one reply, "Look mate, your neighbour's behavior towards you is not your fault, but it shows his attitude towards people and things and you're probably better off without him where you are."
The cab driver started to dwell on what the passenger had said, and fell silent.
Every reference I make that links me to you, it hurts inside, because after all I decided to give myself to you, but you said I should be left for a better beholder to come. We both know that it will make me die inside, for I cannot explain why I love you more than my life.
From the time I fell for you,
I knew to me you meant something more,
Like your every little thing I've come to adore,
By my side, you are a strength I lack alone,
Having known your grace,
Without you is all but an existence.
Of late I realise I tend to live in an illusion,
Like how I put you on a pedestal,
When all you wanted was to be by my side,
I regret to think I was wrong about being right,
I do keep hurting you, don't I?
This sparse acknowledgement you make of my existence,
Will always remind me to look before I fall again.
Like paper in wind my thoughts float around,
So easily I get lost in my head,
Yet you come bring me back to the ground,
Within your arms I shall always be found.
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