banabomb
There were various things in my mind. Things that i could not unthink. Things I couldn't escape. I tried ignoring them but when i do, It seems that their voices become louder, become stranger and when I do acknowledge them, the guilt I feel is just too much, I'm not supposed to be affected. This wasn't supposed to happen
well I don't know what this means. Screwed that my 15 year old mind don't even know the meaning of porter. This sucks.
I've lost control and have it in so many ways. this week has been the most pretentious week and to say that I've been slowly breaking is an understatement. I'm not living, yes I laugh i smile but theres nothing in those gestures. they are nothing but empty expressions forced from my mouth by the pressure to be happy. i am not allowing myself to be unhappy, i cant be. not because of you. you can't do this to me. i wont let you.
this week has been fun. Though it was quite disappointing, it was fun. He has a new girl in his life and we're all opposed to it. For me, i don't know if its because i liked him or if its because of the other girl. I've been suspecting them for days and now that I've had it confirmed, I lost all interest. nothing left, so yeah i still oppose. I want him and my other friend to end up together and that\s legit
I am my own adviser. I tell no one what I think and I tell my stories to no one. I sort things out by myself. Maybe this is why I often feel alone. I don't let others in. This is my fault. I've changed
I have nothing to lose. I'll do anything just to make myself alive again. I'll take every suggestions even the ones that could take my life. I'd rather be in danger than in constant misery. I wanna live again. I wanna live.
The engines were gone. But I can still feel the roaring of the turbine. Maybe this is what happens when everything you believe in betrays you. I was there, I was staring in space, I was aware but It didn't matter. He left. I can still feel the roaring of the turbine like the way I still felt everything we did. I was feeling the past. I could not let it go.
I'd talk about a bucket full of tears but I've grown tired of being sad all the time. You're the only person who has ever affected me this way and its got to stop. I'm happy, I'm complete. You talking to me would be grand but you not talking to me would be just fine. I'll just let fate decide.
What is life? I never really understood the science of it. I mean, why are we alive? why are we here? why were we created? was it for a purpose, Were we meant to do something remarkable? Why do we die? why do we hurt?
I crashed. I wasn't supposed to, I was't meant for this but I crashed. I gave in.
This modern world, though advanced, killed simplicity. Things are a lot more complicated. And I don't know how to handle it.
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writing since 2012 · 15 entries · 13 days shown up
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