betaveros
Ben knocked on the door of his neighbor. He was greeted by a scruffy old lady.
"Excuse me, miss, do you have any flour I could borrow?"
The lady looked at him, then grabbed a pack of flour from under her rocker and dumped it into his lap. "Make sure to return it! I'm a real witch."
She slammed the door. Ben sat looking at the flour, which gathered into a humanoid blob and sneezed in his face.
"So here's the trick. Instead of using your credit card, you put the victim's credit card in, and when the system tries to match them together, it lags and you can get the product before it gets resolved and hightail it out of there!" Stephen motioned excitedly to his partner-in-crime Freddy.
"Yeah, but don't you have to start by getting a stolen credit card in that case?"
"But you can steal it with itself?"
John walked along the aisle, trying to carry his professor's test tubes, when he tripped over the sofa.
"What--- how do you trip over the sofa, John!?" roared his professor when she heard his stuttering explanation for why there was little bits of test tube glass all over the bio lab. "It's on the *opposite* wall from the path from the storage to here!"
"It... it m-moved!" stuttered John. "Please believe me!"
Behind them, the sofa got up on two legs and saluted. "I can also do backflips on request!"
"This tastes pretty boring, Mom. You probably need some more sugar or something before you want to go into the smoothie business."
"Oh, sweetheart, that's not a smoothie you just drank. That's a magical potion!"
"What is this I don't..."
Jared looked at the cup of white goop he had just swallowed, then belched and leaned backward and let out a bestial howl.
"Still needs more sugar," he said after spouting two rows of teeth and a meter-long muzzle.
"Run for the exit! I'll distract the killer with my singing!"
Cheryl took the signal and ran for the exit. Brittany waited until she left before taking out her magical microphone and drawing the force field.
"Say what you want to say ---"
The killer took off his wig. It was actually a magical girl in disguise too!
"And this is our new beautiful city plan! What do you think, Monsieur Mayor?"
"I think it's excellent. We'll be able to get a lot of funding for this development plan! Except what's with the duck statue in the middle of the park?"
"Oh, you know how upper designers like to meddle with our plans... that gives them something to remove and preserves our plan's integrity."
"No, I mean, why isn't it bigger? It's pretty cute. I'd marry it."
"Hey, get off the fence, you little nuisances! Get!"
The old guy came out with his shotgun and waved it around. The kids ran screaming off the fence, except for one.
The guy came closer and looked more closely.
"Remember me, Papa?" he said. "You tried to kill me by drowning me in the well two years ago... And now I've come back to take my revenge..."
The guy squinted, then shook his head. "No, you're the kid I shot with this shotgun right here. See? I remember this bump here when it hit your forehead..."
He looked into the barrel. Quick as a flash, the boy jumped up and pulled the trigger. The shotgun turned into a pool and the man flew into its depths, never to return.
"Back off! Back off or I'll kill your daughter!"
Dale stared at the menacing dude in black holding his son in his hands. What did he say? "Um... he's a guy, you know..."
The dude stared, then looked down at his captive and screamed. The son looked up and planted a kiss on his forehead, which sent him running for his life. Nobody ever saw the mugger again.
"Okay. You go around the left corridor while I'll bait the guards at the front entrance. Yeah?"
"Cool. Sweet. Good luck, baby."
Coral rushed off to the front entrance, opened up her backpack, and waved the red meat at the guard dogs. "Here, doggies!" She petted them gently as they ran up to her, then captured their shape. She smiled. It was going to be an easy heist after all.
"Wow, you look spectacular in that suit, Mike!" Mike's mom gushed and cooed at Mike wearing his suit.
Mike looked down, somewhat embarrassed. "You really think I look that nice, Mom?"
"Yes, of course! Have fun at prom with all your students and everything!"
"Thanks, Mom."
Mike waved goodbye to his mom as the aide came to take her back to her bed in the nursing home. Then he drove his Cadillac to school.
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writing since 2014 · 76 entries · 76 days shown up
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