breathingwithoutmachine
My eyes used to be coated inside of a dollar store with a fluorescent light highlighting my...hopes that it would work like American football, painted for the war or away from the sun, forgetting English, trying to get back home, forgetting to use commas when appropriate, drawing a comma coming out of the corners of my eyes, obsessing over whether everyone hates my wings, not remembering to forget what other people think, dollar store brands that you've never heard of before, sitting on a sink and waiting.
A cake in the shape of a spiral was on the table. "That cake is a spiral cake," I said. Then, I tripped on a banana peel and my face ended up crashing into the cake. I tasted it and noticed that the chocolate was very high quality.
Oh, the faux-progressives, I hate them more than the khaki-kids. The khaki-kids, remember them? The boys, mainly members of the chess club, who would wander the halls in matching khaki trousers. They thought they were too brainy for the rest of us. (They were mistaken) Many pens were stored in their pockets. All they did was carry their pens and stare at their chess boards - all while wearing the khaki. That was all. Now that I'm out of school, I no longer have to deal with them. But - these days - there's a new annoyance...the faux-progressives! The, "Women's rights! BUT WOMEN WEARING HIJAB/NIQAB/ETC MUST UNCOVER THEMSELVES. For the sake of women's rights, they must not be able to make their own decisions!" and the, "I support gay marriage and gay people totally and they were born that way (as if that matters) but the transgenders [sic] are delusional and I just don't think they should have the choice to change themselves." Oh, how I LOATHE these faux-progressives. Their smugness - the way they glance at themselves in the mirror, thinking they're gliding forward but they're really stuck to walls which are unfortunately invisible to them. Someone save those poor lost faux-progressives! Scrape them off the walls. Give them a good scrape.
My favorite dissection was when I dissected a flower. There's no blood, no other strange fluids. The insides of a flower are pristine.
A disco ball fell on me. And it wasn't pretty.
"Did it count?" "Did I count?" "Did any man count" "No, no man ever counted." "Do we count?" "Do the janitors count?" "Did anything I ever did count?" "I don't think anything I ever did ever counted" "Did I ever count everything that ever counted?"
Doctor's orders: Yuri drowned in a neon blue tank that was over 18 feet tall, filled to the top. "She must breath it into her lungs!" Yuri practically wanted to die. She was .03 centimeters away from giving up but she kicked and kicked and kept on kicking. Doctor told her to keep going. Sooyoung crashed through the window with a gun in hand. Glass shards from the window were stuck in her arms and legs and lines of blood ran down all over her. Ignoring it, she pointed the gun at the doctor and shouted, "YOU SET HER FREE THIS INSTANT. WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE TONIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO BE ON LETTERMAN AGAIN. THIS IS IMPORTANT." The doctor thought inside of his head, speaking to himself, "WHY, DOCTOR, WHY MUST YOU USE GIRL BAND MEMBERS AS EXPERIMENTATION SUBJECTS ALL THE TIME? IT ALWAYS GOES WRONG. LIKE LAST MONTH WITH NANA" Sooyoung shot the doctor. His brains splattered against the 18 foot tall glass. Blood covered the floor and, as Sooyoung tried to run to Yuri, she almost slipped because of it. The blood got all over her shoes. Jessica came flying in through the window next, followed by Tiffany, "Reinforcements have arrived!" Jessica shouted while punching her fist straight up into the air, imagining she was now a powerful superhero. She glanced at the doctor's limp body, "Oh, he's dead." She was disappointed, as she was the one who wished to have killed him. ALARMS WERE GOING OFF. It was so loud. Tiffany's ears cried. They could hear all sorts of commotion down the hallway. "We need to get her out of here, quick. They're COMING," Sooyoung started kicking at the glass. Yuri was already unconscious. Jessica grabbed a fire extinguisher off of the wall, "THIS WILL WORK..."...and the glass didn't break. Tiffany was trying to hit the glass with an assortment of medical apparatae. Then Yuri opened her eyes from under the water. She opened her eyes and looked straight into Sooyoung's eyes. Sooyoung's mouth was wide open from shock. Yuri was breathing the water. She was alive...and breathing...the water....and then she screamed.
These days, people are putting bourbon into everything. I swear to god if someone tries to offer me bourbon ice cream one more time, I'm going to throw something at their face.
"Your shadow looks like the colonel, colonel Sanders" "acdaa///ACK, stubbed my toe" "I wish I could cuss right now" "Can't express myself enough without the S word" "Don't wear two bras at once, I don't care how much that sweater makes you look flatchested, I did that once and bruised my ribs" "My ribs" "It's on repeat" "I'm a walking show" "I'm a working shadow" "This reminds me of when I was 18" "Oh, weren't things great then?" "There were so may possibilities" "My head is too heavy" "Feels heavy" "Colonel Thompson help me to the door" "I'm light" "God, my ribs" "Someone save us" "I've been shot" "And she doesn't even care"
"Pass me the plumes, oh...I mean, prunes." "Yes, yes, oh I love my bowl of prunes. Here, have some." "My god" "What?" "The bath, someone poured a bunch of sugar into it" "Oh dear" "Oh what sabotage!" "That is dreadful" "Yes, yes I might get a yeast infection. You're not supposed to coat your privates in sugar, you know"
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