caitlin11coolio
Clout. Never heard this word before. Sounds like cloud. And clot. That cloud sure looks like a blood clot. Blood clot. I've heard a lot of sad stories about blood clots. Hospitals. I've heard a lot of terrible stories about hospitals. Whining, complaining, perfection seeking people. At those hospitals complaining.
I had a vanilla wafer in my study hall once. It was good. It wasn't as good as a chocolate one but it was alright. I'm realizing at this point that that was an awful story and an awful lie. The last time I had a vanilla wafer I was about ten years old, it was before our only grocery store closed down. Sad. Sad memory that one is.
They are casting their lines. I close my eyes and try not to think about the lives this planet will soon lose. I hear cheering and yelling and my hands go up to cover my ears. I cannot think about this. I should not be here. I pick up a handful of stones from below my feet and throw them where the men are standing on shore. They land in the water and hopefully scare away all the fish that would have been there otherwise.
He signed my yearbook quickly. I was hoping for a "You're really cute. Wish I could have gotten to know you better, he's my number #######." But all I got was a "Have a good summer." Guess I should have saw it coming seeing I didn't talk to anyone, all year.
Shoulder. Arm. Elbow. Arm. Hand. Fingers. Nails. His body is perfect. All of him. Sitting on a park bench next to him, looking at the prickly goose bumped arm hair, his sweatshirt is on me. He's cold. I feel guilty but I'm not willing to give it up just yet.
Taboo. A word I use to describe the baby growing in my aunt's belly. Nobody will talk about it. Nobody will acnowledge that it exists. Taboo. A baby that is expected to be ashamed of itself before it's even born. Taboo. A dirty word of sadness. Unfairness.
His hair was auburn like the leaves. Red and brown. Red and brown. Red and brown. All hour that's all that was going through my head. Red and brown. Real? Dyed? I would never know. Red and brown. Red and brown. I decided I would ask him after class. So I would know. But no.
writing since 2013 · 10 entries · 10 days shown up
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the words Caitlin reaches for
redbrownplanethelptaboowordarmcannotsadheardclotbloodhospitalshopescelestialmars