dihard

dihard

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learn

I have learned so many things recently. I have also learned that there is so much more I need to learn. I must learn to live without him. I must learn to live with him as an ideal and not as an actual person in my life.

The various ways to say what you mean. There are some ways of being precise. There are others that just dance around the subject. I think my feelings are varied. But the intensity always springs up at the wrong times.

help

Help, that's what I do. I am hopeful that I am a help to you. That is what I want most. I want to feel like I am useful. I want to feel like I matter.

One night together would be interesting. It is impossible to ponder but it would be delightful to get the chance. What would we do? We would take on the world. We ....it's impossible.

alive

The feeling of being alive. One could say that feeling pain makes you think that you are alive. It reminds me that I have a body. It also reminds me that part of being alive is the process of dying. My body is breaking down. There is not much I can do but maintain for as long as possible.

Asthma is a pain. You can deal with any other kind of pain but when you cannot breath it feels like death. There is always a worry that the asthma will sneak up and steal my breath. It is hard enough to exercise without the threat of asthma.

The dark tower is my favorite series. Roland the gunslinger is such a compelling character. Too bad Clint Eastwood is too old to play the part. I would have loved to see what he could have done with the part. Oh Roland the gunslinger you are a man we need today.

spa

I wish I could go to a spa right now and have my favorite spa treatment. I usually feel like a million dollars after. It is the milk and honey vichy spa treatment. I smell so nice and feel so good. I've forgotten what it feels like to feel good. I just feel pain.

I can't believe I still have the same red headphone that I"ve been using for months now. I have not lost them. They aren't broken yet. They are almost as good as the day I opened the package. I like these headphones. They have served me well.

I covered my eyes and hoped that it was just an illusion. But it wasn't. The reality was there in front of me. I could see the thing that I feared would happen. I knew he liked her but the reality of how deep it was always escaped me. What can I do with my feelings now?

writing since 2012 · 16 entries · 16 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Diane showed up.

2longest streak

16days written

0.6entries / week

on this day 14 years ago

Diane wrote about begin
“I did not want to begin to love you. But it happened. On some level I wonder if what I see in you is just what I want to see. Are you the awesomely nice, smart, kind and giving person? Or are you …”

the words Diane reaches for

painnicenowlovespaasthmaalivelearninformationmeanhaterealityfeelingsmiraclemeetingfavorite