Junco
There is no exact word to describe how I feel about you. i don't think a word has been created yet to describe this feeling. I want to love you like I did before, but I want to love myself more. I want you to be happier than you've ever been before, but I want to be free. I can't pinpoint it. I'll go with the flow. All I know is that I love you, and I know that a part of me always will.
Sometimes I wish there was an undo button in life. "Don't have any regrets. You learn from your mistakes. It helps you grow." We've heard it all before. But you know what? There are some things that just should never have happened or should never have been said and that's that.
I wish I knew how study. It will be my greatest struggle next year. I wish I could study schoolwork the way I study music and the lyrics and the harmonies of songs I love. I wish I could study schoolwork the way I study each and every detail of you.
You are not a piece of jewelry. You're not an accessory, nor are you meant to simply complement another. You shouldn't be worn or dumped in a drawer when they tire of you or your are out of style. You are worth more than diamonds and pearls.
You are not a piece of jewelry.
You entranced her with your words like heroin; she thought you were her hero. You poisoned her, tarnished her, stole her. You crook. How dare you steal her from the wonderful person she was becoming?
I trekked the globe, searching for an answer. After a decade, I came up blank. Nothing. What was I to do? I'd traveled to each of my dream destinations, hoping whatever I was looking for would find me. So far I had had no luck. What I did have, however, was happiness and love.
Devastated. I had never been more devastated than the moment you told me the truth. Everything you'd been through, how could I not have known? You hid it from me. I could've helped you. Was I that stupid? Did you not trust me? I am here for you. Open your eyes as I have opened my arms and heart. Come here and let me love you back to health. Please, don't ever feel like you're alone again.
"It was a one-time thing. It won't happen again!" I looked at her unamused. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? Do you think Im so blind that I couldn't see what you were doing all along?" You sneak in every night when mom and dad are asleep. I can smell it. You're disgusting." "You're not perfect you know? I'm not stupid either. I know all about you." "What do y.." "Just shut up and leave me alone." I stood there, frozen in fear. Did she know? If she did, my life would be over.
I flattened against the wall, struggling to stay silent. The slightest sound would alert them. Them. The same atrocities that orphaned me, the same heartless monsters that dismembered my life with their bare teeth, the same people I was destined to kill.
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writing since 2014 · 38 entries · 35 days shown up
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the words Junco reaches for
lovetaughtfearpiecenobodybehindstudywindnowsmilehearthappentruthtutoringunderstandflow