kwilks76
It was strange, she thought, to imagine distant planets, in other galaxies, which neither knew nor cared about her existence in the slightest. Planets with fields of graphite which would write on her feet as she walked and mountains of diamond that would glitter in the orange glow of a distant dying star, some other planet's sun. She glanced to her right, just long enough to take in his image, and wondered if he was thinking about distant places, too, or just about the way her hair would feel tangled in his fingers, or some other girl's hair, maybe. Amazing how, in such a vast universe, the thought of his fingertips on her collarbone could make her heart skip beats, and somehow dwarf, in her mind, even the most massive distant galaxies.
I thought that if i extracted myself from you i would feel free, and I was right, i guess. I thought that if i went to him and i saw him that he would kiss me, but he did not. I want to be honest with both of you, but i do not know how. If i could not lie i would tell you that I love you, but not enough. I would tell you that I do not need you but I am jealous and possessive and selfish enough to want you to think that i need you, to keep you binded to me so you cannot find anyone else. I would keep you chained to me and i would tell him that i would like for him to please kiss me, because he is something I need to conquer or else I lose, somehow, at this game I am playing with myself. Because if he does not want me then I will think that maybe I should go back to you and my ego will hurt and I will need to validate myself some other way, somehow.
I moved through the water until it was up to my calves, and i saw your eyes looking up at me as though through glass. I felt your palms on my shins, warm and soft and then searing hot, and they glowed bright bright bright when you removed your skin from mine. Your hair was golden seaweed wheat that undulated and twisted and twirled through the water, and your eyes blinked twice. I bent my knees and reached through the water to touch your face, your eyelids, your chest, but you moved away from me and i could not reach you. I caught your eye, searched it for the light of the love i felt for you, but instead you smiled your smirky, salty smile and laughed bubbles that broke the surface and distorted your image until it was unrecognizable.
"don't be surprised if i someday leave you crumpled in a heap on my kitchen floor."
It was never my policy to trust, but something about the way his smile curled slightly more to the right than left, the way his hair swept into his eyes in just the wrong way, made me believe him against my better judgment. He lay in my bed, and the music in his eyes compelled me to dig my fingers into his chest, rip it apart and curl up inside his ribcage.
I lay next to his organs and cradled his heart in my hands and felt it pulsate beneath my fingers, and I wondered if I could do this forever or if he would one day leave me crumpled in a heap on the floor.
She blinked and opened her mouth to stutter out notes that poured from her lips in colors like lollypops and wrapped around his skull. He breathed it in and felt truth in the music and so he believed her. Her eyes grew wide and they shone multifaceted, refracting the light from the room back into his eyes and in his hair and he was blinded and all he had was the music in his throat from her lips and he was overwhelmed and he stepped sightlessly towards her. He grasped her collar in his hands and wrapped his fingers around her wrists and touched her cheekbones with his lips and he loved her and he believed every word she said because he did not hear the words.
She opened her mouth in surprise, cherry red lips and smiled and returned his embrace and sighed in relief that her lie had been bought once again.
He jumped from the cliff and his dark green flannel shirt whipped around his eyes because he raised his arms and it looked like a cape, or bat's wings. I could not see his eyes from where I was standing on the rocks nearby, a little ways away, a little across the water, but I knew they would be open. They were not green but they always felt green to me. They used to feel deep honey brown but they turned shallow green sometime when I wasn't paying attention. He jumped and I stood and I watched and I raised my left eyebrow curiously because I wondered why, and I heard a rustling behind me in the bushes and I turned away from him and missed the end of his descent. I saw sandy gold strands of hair and new brown eyes peep through the green leaves and this stranger smiled and I saw my reflection in his teeth and he winked and I saw the clouds reflected in his eyes and I forgot about the scene across the water and the boy flying through the air.
He smiles and lifts his cup and the light on the glass makes fragments of stars shine on his face and his hands. He smiles and I smile and i raise up mine, too. "Cheers," and i tilt back my head and pour the coppery liquid down my throat. He smiles again and i notice the shine to his teeth. I notice how he looks like stone as he sighs and leans his head against the wall. His legs are sprawled out lazily in front of him and he reaches for me. He pulls me down and lets me rest my head on his neck. He is warm and comfortable. I am somewhere else for a minute but somehow still right here. I close my eyes because i know the confusion is coming and i hope to hell that the alcohol hits my system before the overwhelming sadness does.
I bite my lip and feel his eyes on me as my skin begins to burn bright, bright red. His hands are blue and purple and white and i feel them cold and warm all at once as he presses his fingers to that space at the base of my skull on the back of my neck. I shiver even though i am wearing a million sweaters. I am overwhelmed with desire. I want to peel the denim from my thighs and feel the feverish flurry of lips against my collarbone. I am burning, shining white and gold. I want to twist my fingers through his copper hair and bring our foreheads together. I am an animal.
She said it killed her when she kissed him but i still see her breathing so I think that was a lie. She said I'm sorry a million times but she ran off when I tried to talk so i think that was a lie, too. She said we're bestfriends, and she said I'll never speak to him again, but I saw his handprint on her spine and I saw the lines of his face on her cheeks and I saw his smile reflected in her eyes so I knew that was a lie.
I remember when his freckles were imprinted on my hands and she wouldn't show me hers so I knew she had him hiding somewhere.
They said I Love You to me but they ran away together so I guess they were both liars.
He ducks behind the convenience store into where there’s light and he fumbles through his pocket for his brand new pack of Camel Filters. He pulls one out and sticks it in between his lips and closes his eyes as he lights it up and pulls the familiar thickness into his lungs. It is harsh and warm and unforgiving, just the way he likes it.
He has not had one in months, but he can’t get this image out of his mind of her car driving away, headlights illuminating his cheekbones and burning silhouettes into his eyes, big round yellow mocking silhouettes.
He remembers brushing her hair behind her ear and he remembers the way her sundress clung to her hips and the way the sun would shine on her forehead and light up her collarbone in the most inviting way. The last thing she said to him was Fuck You. He takes another drag off his cigarette and closes his eyes again.
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