mariana
I feel like there is an entire separate side of me that I long to show to someone. Don't get me wrong. I'm myself around others & sometimes I'm comfortable, sometimes that's enough, but usually it's not. Usually there's an entire separate other half that I long for someone else to understand. To love that separate side of me.
Entree. Entree. Entree. I have such a horrible relationship with food right now, I can't even write about this specific word. I just like that it's French. French is such a beautiful language. France is such a beautiful country. One day, I'll visit France, & one day I too will speak French.
I've been listening to the sound of these old records & there's nothing quite as sweet, nothing quite as real, nothing quite as raw, nothing quite as warm. It's the most romantic thing to gently place a needle on a record & listen to Nancy Sinatra so loud the neighbors hear. It makes me feel small, & I like that. HAPPY RECORD STORE DAY. <3
Slight of hand. Slightly timid. Slightly cocky. Slightly looking. Slightly gazing. Slightly hoping you were real. Clearly seeing you were.
Pins & needles, and all these things that are holding me together & keeping me from tearing apart, from ripping out of my skin as something that no longer belongs in a body. Something that no longer belongs captured in flesh.
I'll surely be surprised if most of the submitted entries have nothing to do with 'Catcher In The Rye'. J.D. Salinger was a genius & I feel that if the book is interpreted positively it can actually change someone's life for the better like it did change mine.
I remember looking down at my core, feeling my skin, looking at my body like something completely extraneous to my being. I couldn't understand. All I saw was a staple, followed by a staple, followed by a staple that was then followed by another staple. I couldn't understand how my body could be mechanized, fixed, salvaged, created.
There are a lot things that people dismiss that they probably shouldn't. Their dreams, for example, how beautiful silence can be, the opinions of children, the feeling that someone is standing right behind them. Ignorance is bliss,but at the end of the day it will always be ignorance.
Town. Town. Town. I hate this town. I hate this town because it's core is hollow. There is no life at the center. There's life around it but nothing really in the center. Maybe the way I feel about this town is a reflection about how I feel towards myself, but that is highly unlikey.
I instantly thought of a hair weave, but that's not necessarily my fault is it? I thought of it as a noun before a verb which is somewhat of a human condition to have some sort of preference over nouns that verbs. Thanks to consumer culture of course. We can't go to a store & purchase a verb now can we?
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the words mariana reaches for
townslightlyguessstapletableshatedigitalwordbeautifullookingbodyunderstandfollowedentreefrenchseparate