maryc0
Not everyone who is alone is lonely and not everyone who is lonely is alone.
A yearning for human connection, to be really seen, to get attention. I guess whether we like it or not we are all attention seekers. It's what keeps the loneliness at bay
Left, I left. I left. I can't believe it. I left. My stomach turns. Oh god, why did I leave? What was I thinking?
My vision blurs. I want to go back. I can't. I have to keep going now, keep walking, don't look back. Tears run down my face. I'm free.
Someday I'll look back and I'll be glad I left. I promise.
It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. The fur sticking up at all angle, those tiny paws. His big brown eyes staring up at me as he wagged his tiny tail. How could I not take him? I wish I'd been more careful though. I stared down at the limp body in my hands, no heartbeat, no breath. Maybe something so kind and good can't survive in this world.
Heartfelt, his apology, no, I don't think so. It was like everything else he's every said, a lie.
I wish what is inside me was out.
Too shy, too modest,
I let my dreams die.
Flip me like a coin.
See what's on the other side,
the choices that passed me by.
"Give him a 3", the fat grey haired man growled to the tight faced woman beside him. "He was useless."
"Next", the guard shouted into the cells. A timid brown eyed boy walked in the door. He was small and scrawny. He couldn't have been more than twelve. The fat man frowned. This was a waste of his time. Who had let this kid get this fair in the rounds. He sighed. He was tired of these useless trainees. He needed some good, someone who could get the crowd going.
The boy looked at him expectantly with wide brown eyes. He nodded for the boy to begin. At the far side of the arena the heavy metal gate opened. In the shadows a dark beast began to move. The boy watched cautiously. You could see him shaking from the judges stand. The fat man couldn't help but grin slightly. Today this boy would meet his death.
Slowly the beast emerged out of the shadows. His black eyes scanned the arena searching for it's prey. A whimper burst from the boys mouth as the beast took a step forward. The six paws moved slowly moving his mangled scarred body closer towards the boy. His nose twitched catching the boy scent in the breeze. He growled. No doubt he was hungry.
Slowly the boy moved a shaking hand towards his pocket pulling out a knife. He spread his legs in a low stance and pointed the knife out towards the beast. The fat man frowned in annoyance he had expected the boy would have ran or pleaded for his life.
"Let's get this over with", he murmured to the tight faced woman. he nodded to one of the guards on the opposite side of the arena. Slowly the guard removed the gun from it's sling. He slipped a needle down the barrel. He fired one clean shot into the side of the beast. The beast roared and twisted up onto his back paws. His mouth began to foam, his pupils dilated. This eyes zoned in on the boy. He roared and shot at the boy. The boy screamed. Then suddenly everything was quiet.
The fat man stood up in surprise. What had happened? The cloud of dust slowly settled. The boy sat in the middle of the arena covered in blood with tears streaming down his face. The beasts head lay severed still foaming at the mouth.
"I presume he gets a 10", the tight faced woman murmured.
He clasped my hand tight. I looked up at him and smiled.
I stared at the dead bird lying at my feet. His feathers slightly scorched. I stared up at the bright blue sky and the high voltage wires strung along innocently and unassuming. Don't birds know these things, I thought as I poked the dead corpse with my stick.
"Strike!", his voice boomed. He turned his arms in the air gloating his victory. His eyes met mine and the corner of his mouth turned up in a sneer. "Beat that", he jeered as he walked back to high five his teammates. I took a deep breath in and stood up. You can do this I told myself as I carefully choose my ball. Blue had been lucky for be so far, hopefully it wouldn't fail me now. I lifted the ball up balancing it carefully upon my three fingers. Slowly I turned towards the lane blocking out all the noise around me. It was just me, the ball, and the pins. I could do this. I stepped towards the lane. I closed my eyes, took one last deep breath and swung my arm back. My eyes shoot open, i propelled forward, the ball flew from my hand and sped away down the lane.
I stared out the window. People walked past, some rushing, some walking aimlessly lost in thought. There was something about watching people live there lives that fascinated me. It was the small unique things that people did or wore that seemed to capture the essence of who they were. The difference between the person who cautiously stepped onto the road compared to the one who strolled across without a seconds thought. The weird fashions, trench coats, wellies, ripped shirts, fur coats.... The junkie outside trying to convince passers-by he needed money for a bus, yet we were nowhere near a bus stop. Hundreds of lives criss-crossing past each other so close but never making contact.
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writing since 2013 · 15 entries · 13 days shown up
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