meth
The crowded rumble was too much to bear at the moment so she went outside to the bright white and sat on the teeter-tot. It was one-sided and got her nowhere but at least she could sit in peace. She concentrated on each hot breath that left her mouth to condense as white smoke in the air. Her teeth chattered like the staccato castanets on the educational channel.
The crowded rumble was too much to bear at the moment so she went outside to the bright white and sat on the teeter-tot. It was one-sided and got her nowhere but at least she could sit in peace. She concentrated on each hot breath that left her mouth to condense like white smoke in the air. Her teeth chattered like the staccato castanets on the educational channel.
Incognito, we all think of under cover spies.
spies climbing mountains in uzbekistan.
spies living in suburbia amongst the children and laughing games
living quitely with held tongues and a family built on lies.
I was in and under the bridge that held all my thoughts. it was a bridge because it connected the real from the romantic and i liked to keep them together and communicative. but the utopian desires usually have the louder opinions.
I have to get this out or it will be gone soon. I have nowhere else to put it because this is the only place it can be anonymous and still kept, documented, my fresh feelings, my momentous mentality, my disposition for the now. Word for word [sic]:
I just wonder where in her life my mother became desensitized.
It's like she has no true emotions or feelings. Just things she says no to and things she says yes to. She doesn't like it when dad tries to kiss her or even hug her. I haven't hugged her in years. She doesn't give a shit about my thoughts or opinions or feelings or anyone elses. I've never heard her ask anyone if something was wrong or if she could help them some way and ive never heard her say anything like, "you know, im worried about that person because they seem like theyre unhappy" ive never heard her ask me if im unhappy or consider what my feelings were on anything. We had to protect amie, my brothers and i, from the things mom would say because she didnt ever stop to think that it might be innapropriate or hurt amie feelings: "im so sorry this happened amie. And on your two year anniversary, too." its like those people at funerals you dont really know but stop you to let you know they feel sorry for you.
Get thee to a nunnery! she yelled. A few snoozing classmates jumped as it was louder than the rest of her droning monologue as the character of hamlet.
i feel like life is pointless when i am not with you. i know it's cliche and i know some people would think i'm just obsessed or i just think that at the moment, but i have completely thought out explanations of why its all pointless while i'm miles or maybe no miles away from you. but once i see you i know i'll be alright. i know it doesn't matter if there's a point. i'm with you. you know everything under and over and prepositions that don't exist. the meaning is love. i love you. you are love. we are love when we are together. we mean all to the world even if it will never mean anything to us. i could spend my lifetime making love to you, making meaning to you. making sense of you. i could spend my life doing nothing with you but being. do you know what it is like to be lovers? she did not. but she felt it in her marrow that it was bigger than her or anyone she had ever known.
tape measures five thousand some feet spanning across asphalt and shell and dust and farms and suburbia. what difference does the unit of measurement make? relativity is bullshit.
that situation is improbable anyway, she declared.
why is that?
because you don't even like sandwiches, she boldly reached.
how do you know that?
because i don't like sandwiches.
he laughed and looked into the glass of her eyes this time.
writing since 1969 · 30 entries · 17 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means meth showed up.
3longest streak
17days written
0entries / week
the words meth reaches for
lovehatefeelingssenseheardmouthmakingmileswhiteableagainstheldfaceturningbrightsometimes