plushiemikey
I value morals over giving into temptation. I could never live without regret, knowing that I broke someone's heart for my own selfish desires. I do not believe that such "temptations" would grant me the happiness I seek, anyways. To uphold chivalry and always keep a smile on that person's face--that's what I value the most; something to cherish and hold dear to me.
I really haven't done this oneword stuff in a while. And I'm really not sure what to write about.
But see, whatever the randomly generated word is, the first thing that always pops into mind is you. Yeah--sometimes I wonder if you're just a fictional character in my mind; some fantasy I've invented, to keep me hoping that maybe you'll meet reality in my future. That you'll be able to materialize into something that I can actually hold and kiss and hug.
That's all, really.
I thought I had to change the world for you to notice me.
I enslaved black people and called them "niggers."
I slaughtered the Jews and blamed them for everything.
I'm going to blow up Korea with bombs and missiles.
And I invented a thing called "democracy" so I could become the most powerful man in the world.
I thought I had to change the world for you to notice me; am I good enough yet?
It's gonna be a New Year and I don't really have a resolution. And I don't know what I'm really saying right now. All I know is that I want you and that I don't think it's ever gonna happen.
Library? Uhh. I guess it's a nice quiet place.
I like the library because for once, everyone has stfu'd and is doing something worthwhile, rather than gossiping on someone's ass or something like that.
What did I just write?
I don't know, but I want you.
is it obvious?
Part of me hopes it is. Maybe it's clear as glass and you're okay with it. But another part of me is hoping otherwise 'cause, if you're not okay with it, then I don't want you to know.
I guess it's 'cause I'm scared of the answer. In all honesty I am just scared of the truth. But silly me holds onto a thing called hope.
I wish I could be okay with how I feel.
Keep me warm and let me wrap myself within you. Weave yourself around my body and make me feel like I'm at home. And make me feel beautiful. I'll show the world how great you are with me, and I'll show how much you were made just for me.
I find it cold under these bed sheets. The insomniac within me lets nostalgia take over me and I think about times in the past--back when things used to be simple. Back when good grades made me happy with life, and I was rewarded by my parents. But now the ridiculous workload gets a simple pat on the back, if I'm lucky.
I haven't been happy. I haven't been as happy as I should be. And I wish someone kept me company under these blankets. We'd keep each other warm.
God fucking damn, you are so beautiful. And then there's me.
This is about you.
This is about how much I wonder about the possibilities and how much I think about the chances--if there are any. This is about me never being golden, not even silver--something along the lines of just copper. This is about how I want to be everything you need from me--I want to give you my all. This is about how I know that I don't have the shimmer and luster of others, and that you would probably never consider me, but know that I will rust for you even if it makes me falter.
Let me be yours.
I've been keeping my feelings locked away behind closed doors. But there's nothing new with that.
I wonder sometimes--no, actually a lot--how you'd react to my affections. Probably with rejection. Most likely with rejection. Most unquestionably with rejection--it's the obvious answer. So I've kept myself hidden. And unheard.
I'm keeping words unsaid only because that's the only way they'll be safe. And, as much as I want to open myself up and take you in, let you in--I think that there are plenty of other doors for you to walk through, to where you'll discover what you really want.
Maybe you'll recognize me for my talent one day. I feel the need to have to change the world for you to notice me. I don't know--like I have to do something extravagant. Like I have to be this "big guy" who makes big bucks or something. No, it doesn't even have to be money I make; maybe if I'm historically important or something. Maybe if I took over the world.
But even if I became ruler of the world, I could never take over your heart. I feel that's barrier I'd never be able to break through--not with words, not with an army, not with my own heart. But I'm still trying--I'm still trying to build the railroad to your heart, track by track, piece by piece.
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writing since 2010 · 18 entries · 18 days shown up
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noticegonnamindchecksurehopefriendsrejectionheartaveragestarkidquietguymeanwish