popepopsicleiv
I've never had the heart to kill bugs and things. I feel so awful taking any form of life.... like... I always feel like breaking the little bugs is like breaking a human and I feel so sick when I do it. I'm told that once when I was very small I stepped on an ant, and bent down to "kiss it better" even though it was dead. I felt so dreadful stepping on him, I can remember the little ache in my little innocent heart if I think hard enough.
I like those clear umbrellas. The ones you can look up in and watch the rain fall at your face, like its desperately trying to reach you, but just spilling off the sides and the perimeters of the umbrella you're holding to stay dry. I especially like the polka dotted ones. Not because they're useful but because they're just fun. And I like that.
There's a sinking feeling in my soul; in my bones when the evil tells me all the bad you could potentially do to me. I try not to listen; i try not to hear but the voices scream so loud its hard to tune them out. It feels like I'm falling into myself, like my ribs are caving down on my lungs crushing me, drowning me in my thoughts and sorrow. And then I see you, and i lift from the depths of my emotion, and resurface into your arms.
I used to be under the impression that I missed you, and I suppose on some days I still do. But considering and looking at all the things I have now; beautiful things that keep my soul shining and my heart smiling. I know in my heart that I don't miss you at all. You were evil and awful, and I couldn't even think of wishing to see you again.
I can remember it vaguely. Talking to the deer when i was younger. I remember saying hello, and asking how it was, and it just kept walking closer and closer, interested in this young human child talking to it. Maybe I spoke its language, maybe not, either way it was interested, I can remember reaching out to it until Grandpa's beeper went off... Then he ran away. I could have made a new friend that day...
Its that sleepy smile you get across your face while we're driving together at night. Like you're perfectly content to just keep driving me around. Happy to stay in one small place with me, share, laugh, and touch in the simplest ways. I'll always love you for the small gifts you give me like that.
I used to write stories about bands. Not like.... About being in a band, but about girls who fall in love with boys in bands. I always felt that there was a lack of such things in modern literature. Its always high school or vampires or werewolves and bullshit... Where's the music?
I've always been fascinated by the way smoke comes out of peoples mouths. I really like those time warp-type videos where smoke coils out from behind someone's teeth in slow motion. I always hoped to look like that the first few times I smoked, but i only felt like an idiot, choking down the smoke that I was allergic to.
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