radiodial
We propped ourselves upon each other
It was a foolish idea, in retrospect
It's impossible to support another
if you cannot stand on your own
But that didn't stop us
We leaned on each others shoulders
Until we both fell onto the tiles beneath our toes
Laughing all the way down
licking the icing from our finger tips
the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled
and how you ate most of the sprinkles before they made it onto the cupcakes
I always hated the taste of sprinkles
but I humored you
and ate the other half
so you wouldn't feel bad about our sprinkle-less desserts
because as lame as it is to say
you were the sprinkles
like the crew of a ship
you tightened my ropes
warned of dangers
sent me sailing
across the seas
I am only a beautiful wood
but with you
I am adventure
maybe you never meant to hurt me
maybe you meant to become my rusted doorknob
there when I needed to open up
there when I needed a breath of fresh air
maybe you wanted to grow old with me
me always needing you more than you needed me
perhaps you will always be waiting nearby
waiting
until I surrender my pride
and finally apologize
for I hold the key to you
and you allow me to be free
bandages wind up my legs
like the ribbons of pointe shoes
I fantasize of being those women
control of my legs
my body
for fate has doomed me
to hospital beds
an adviser once said to me,
you can do whatever you want
anything
I had never gotten that before
so I asked him,
what about art?
he looked at me
and in that pause
I heard everything
I could do whatever I wanted
as long as it was academic
no dreams of art can last
This is what I want.
This is what I will do.
we were tapping our fingers
nervously
anxiously
waiting for the adviser to speak
one at a time
he would take us aside
help us decide our future
I couldn't handle it
my entire future
planned
I ran
and I haven't stopping running since
writing since 2012 · 7 entries · 6 days shown up
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the words Kathy reaches for
waitingsprinklesadviserfuturewhateverartlegsmeantatetappingfingersnervouslyanxiouslyspeakasidehelp