Rose
My puppies are dogmatic. They know when to wake up and to paw the sides of my bed to wake me. They know they go outside then, and bark at the neighbors. They know that if i put my shoes on, the black addidas witht he colorful soles, it is time to walk. They know what truth is, dogmatically.
He came to my rescue, climbing the tower that was my mother's alcoholism, and falling down. He landed hard, and threw up all over the seats of his '67 Chevelle and since someone had to put him to bed, I thought it might as well be me.
There was the water, shimmering in the late afternoon light, it's depths hidden behind the reflections on the surface. It called to me, beckoning, and I answered, leaving gravity and the heat of the day behind, slicing through the surface to the bottomless below.
I'm distressed. I keep coming here to one word to loosen my fingers with a one word flash, and i get the same words over and over. It felt like peppers was there for days! I'm sure it is me, and I'm doing something wrong, but if you are the control freak perfectionist that I tend to be, distress would be your word, too. Every day.
She's in distress! We have to deliver the baby now!
But it's too early, she's too small.
We have no choice. She at least gets a chance if we deliver now.
Owwwwww.
Okay honey, push push push.
SCREAMMMM.
and she slides into the world, tiny, but alive.
I can't say i blame you, when you leave me in the dark, but when you tell me that it's for my own good, that's simply justification. It isn't me, it's you. and that just doesn't fly. Talk to me. Tell me why, tell me how, tell me when. Don't give me excuses. Be all you can be.
My sons never let me down. Not that my daughters do, but sometimes i expect more from them. The boys are constantly surprising me. "Mom," they say, "let's go shopping." and while they feel a little sheepish about letting me spend money on them, they don't have all that damn guild that the girls seem intent on. It makes things easier.
Again with the peppers. Why must there be so many peppers? They don't feel substantial enough to have any real value, but boy howdy can they pack a punch! They make me cry, worse than onions, so when we are on the outs, Iget them out to cover for me.
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pepperswatersometimesnowpushwordcontrolbehindfedtrainbusmissopenheatrealdistress