sakuraimiki
i was in charge. i had the power. sure, it was only a school assignment, but finally being able to breathe out and think that i could do as i pleased, that no one could wrong me, it felt wonderful. i had the lead, i was in charge and i felt like i owned the world for once in my life.
i looked at the picture that was shown on page 36 in my son's science book. it was a well dressed, heterosexual, couple holding hands. with thoughts racing through my head at the look of the so-called "normal relationship," my heart sunk and i felt the shame of being an "unnatural, disgusting gay." being frowned upon by all of the other parents in the school had by then become an everyday thing, i had simply learnt to ignore the looks me and my wife got when we picked up our own little angel from school.
i bury my face in your neck. you smell strong of cologne, a cologne that reminds me of my father. the smell is too strong, and i pull away from you. my memories must always haunt me in this way, constantly depriving me of my secret hopes and dreams. my heart sinks in my chest as i make the decision of never to bury myself into your arms again, it would never do anything but harm.