speedygal23
My heart felt like it was engulfed in flames. They roared inside me, threatening to destroy me whole. There he was, my little brother, dead. Gone from me forever. I stare up into the eyes of the man and scream profanities at him. None of this makes any sense. How could someone murder a little boy? Why would someone murder a little boy. I pull the gun to my head, my only reason to leave at my feet, and full the trigger.
It was a brief meeting. That one time I saw my father. I had no more than 5 minutes with him. If someone had told me he would be dead in a few hours, I think I would have never left his side. But no one did, so being 16, I pretending like hanging out with my dad was uncool. I met him once. My whole life he searched for me and mom, and when he finally finds us, I blow him off.
I groan. Those stupid kids next door are making a racket. I look over to notice kids my age partying. Teens make-out in corners while other get drunk or high. I roll my eyes and go back to my movie. I'd much rather spend Saturday night watching Winnie the Pooh than partying! YOLO!
It's like living in nest. I haven't moved from this spot in days. I'm surrounded by blankets, garbage, and clothes. I sit and stare and think about what I could have done to help. I could have helped, and I didn't. I can't live like this. I can't move. I can't face daylight. I can't face anyone. It's my fault he jumped.
Jelly. It's a weird thing. It's thick, but it runs. It's different than all other substances. It breaks the mold or what is usual.
I am jelly. I am different than other. I am not "usual." I am not "normal."
And, just like jelly, I'm really proud of it. Normal is overrated!
Treaty.
Treat.
Trick.
Hurt.
Pain.
Cry.
Sob.
Broken apart on the inside. Torn to pieces. Never whole again.
I was emptying out my childhood. This room held journeys, mysteries, and all my fairy tale endings. Now, I was moving. I packed up all these things as my best friend cried for me. I was emptying out a lot more than just a bunch of boxes of stuff; I was emptying out my childhood. My happiness. My everything.
I placed the baseball cap on my head and turned towards my father.
He was back from the war, and in celebration, we were going to a baseball game. It was my first one ever, and I was overjoyed.
That was, until that truck come. Dad started to cross the street as it flew around the corner. Of course he didn't see it. How could he? I miss him. </3
It was an absolute necessity that I graduate high school, but to graduate I had to past these stupid exams. I NEED TO PASS! but with all these facts in my mind, it quickly becomes too much. I easily confuse them together.
I need this to end. So, I come to a conclusion that death is my new necessity. Good-bye.
That was it. That was the conviction. I was going to prison. Forever.
All because of my love for me. My love for Alex was getting me locked away forever. This was the end. I looked around and said my silent goodbye to the world around me. I looked at the large gray building that I would never be allowed to leave again.
~based on Delirium
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