taii

taii

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side

This side of the ocean just seems so much bluer. The waves lap at the pure white shoreline, and I can't help thinking that I've never missed the Atlantic so little.

want

I want a lot of things. I want to go to a college that I like best, that likes me best. I want a house that is all my own - I want to move out soon and be on my own. I'm young and restless even though I'm not a flighty kid. I want a job that pays more. I want a lot of things, and I guess everyone else wants a lot of things, too.

apron

She had a white apron fastened around her waist. The kitchen was bright as she padded around on the caramel-wooded floors with a mixing bowl. He was coming home tonight. She garnished each pastry carefully.

The thunder sounded in the distance, rumbling low over the rolling hills. I wait, wrapped in a soft throw, perched on the edge of my couch. My eyes are glazed over, anticipating the coming storm. One... two... three... Brrrroom. The air smells like rain.

I thought of a skyscraper. I never liked to stand on top of skyscrapers because I've always been afraid of falling off. It only takes one misplaced footstep, and it scares me just how powerful one mistake can be.

I used to play solitaire with my grandmother. She taught me how to play. We would spread out the deck of cards on the patio, shrouded in trailing ivy. The sun would peak through the lattice and illuminate the ace of spades. I haven't played since she died.

I love the autumn. It was breathtaking to watch the leaves change by degrees each day; it seems like only yesterday I dismissed the Fall Foliage festival and said, "The leaves haven't even changed." And now they've run through their cycles; leaves are on the ground, their brilliant colors reduced to that elevation. Fall is coming to a close, and winter is fast on its heels.

I remember that, once, I was passionate. I lived for him - and I suppose that was my first mistake. My second was that, in my passion, I trusted him. I explained away things that were wrong in my mind - I tried to ignore things that meant that my dream wasn't all I have dreamt; that my happiness was bliss in ignorance; that my passion was misplaced; because he had done nothing but lie.

I hope to one day have a husband, but despite the desire for it to be so, I can't imagine myself falling into the arms of another. I can't even comprehend trusting anyone as much as I did before; I can't even conceive becoming so close to an individual. I can't imagine a kiss; I can't imagine a life with anyone.

The castle facade of the jousting ring rose high over the sand pit, above the knights the plebeians, and even the Queen herself. Rodrick appeared, his lance lowered, and the announcer exclaimed, "His helmet, his armor, and his horse were all STOLEN." A certain faction cheered.

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writing since 2010 · 37 entries · 37 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Tai showed up.

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37days written

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on this day 15 years ago

Tai wrote about autumn
“I love the autumn. It was breathtaking to watch the leaves change by degrees each day; it seems like only yesterday I dismissed the Fall Foliage festival and said, "The leaves haven't even changed." …”

the words Tai reaches for

lovewrongnowstandeyescominganotheraveragerollsdepthliosundaygroundsimplydonefingers