al2si
She stood in the kitchen spreading mayonnaise on a piece of white bread. She could hear him closing his shirt drawer and the clinking of his belt as he slid it through the loops around his waist. Any moment he would appear in the bedroom doorway and she'd pretend she hadn't seen him out of the corner of her eye. She would jump slightly at the feeling of his hands placed firmly on her hips and then she'd turn in his arms and their noses would meet. She being his wife. Making him sandwiches and kissing the dimple in his bristly chin.
A ballon in a child's hand outside of a carnival with a tall ferris wheel. It is evening and there are lanterns making a golden glow through the black bare trees of autumn.
It's a reflex for her to smile when someone sticks their foot in their mouth or says something obviously offensive in the direction of a particular individual but in the presence of a group. She miles and grits her teeth as if he feels the embarrassment both parties should be experiencing. It's a reflex for her to smile when someone criticizes her for the way she goes about things, her own peculiar quirks and tendencies. Even when she is deeply hurt, suspicious or furious, it is a reflex to smile.
What is meaning? What gives life meaning? Love. It's as simple and as difficult as that. What you leave behind in the hearts of others gives your life meaning. What you spent your days filling your heart with gives meaning to your life, whether good or bad; bitterness or compassion. Without meaning, life is nothing but an empty shell.
Lack. Sometimes I feel like there is this hole inside me and there is no reason for me to feel this way. I've never endured any horrific experiences. I've been given more love and encouragement than I could ever deserve. And yet, I feel like I am lacking something. Something essential, a quality, a skill, something. He fills it now, or maybe just keeps me from noticing it, I'm not sure.
Lack standing beneath a broad pale sky in front of an ocean wondering what it was all for. Who loves you now. Who can you share your mornings with, your late nights. Lacking anything
writing since 2010 · 7 entries · 6 days shown up
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meaningsmileagainstreflexstandingcornereyelacknowlackinglovemakingroommirrorhazyyellow