cannotbedefined
I need laughter right now. I want to stop crying. I want to be happy. I just want to go home. I want my boyfriend here with me. I want. There is so much. I want laughter. I need it right now. It's 4 AM and I can't stop crying, just in case anyone is interested. I just want so many things and I'm not going to get them for a while. I'm just recovering on my own.
Hearts. Love. All that jazz. Actually, one of the first things I thought of was Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. And then I belted it out here in my dorm. NBD. I'm in a good mood. My HEART is happy. :) I'm just happy right now. And I was to just run around and be happy!
Abstractions. Hm. I thought about doing abstract photography for my final project, but there wasn't enough ideas floating around in my head to do that. Greg, my professor, would've liked something like that. He's SO fine art. I'm SO more into advertising photo.
I need some of this. Advice would be very lovely right now.
Because everyone has someone else.
And sure, I have my boyfriend, but he does have friends.
And I have my roommate, and separately, I have her boyfriend Evan,
but they have each other. I can't have them for company.
I am lonely tonight. Another lonely night with Jessica.
I was sinking. I still am. It's just a matter of staying above the surface long enough to survive a bit longer. I've been going in and out of sadness all day. Sinking into my sadness before forcing myself out. It's all a matter of what crosses my mind at just the right time to throw me off. I hate being like this, but I can't help it. Packing for college makes me sad.
Packing is like poison to me. It's getting me more and more unhappy as I progress. I should be happy. But I just can't. I'm leaving everything I know. And I'm just scared. I know it'll be amazing, but I'm scared. I'm going 2000 miles away from everything I know and love. And it's just a shock.
I want to be transported to Brasil. To my Gavin. I love him so much. He's the only one that makes me sane when I'm in one of my moods. I just want to be with him right now. I want him to be here with me. Either or. I just want him with me right now. I want to feel his arms around me and I want to hear him tell me that he loves me and that everything's gonna be okay.
I can't even think right now. I'm leaving for college in 4 days. I can't stop thinking about all the things that I'm going to miss. Mom. My sister. My grandparents. My home. I've lived here my whole life. And now I'm moving 2000 miles away and I just can't think straight. I know that this is going to be so good for me. I am going to be able to start my own life and everything, but I just know I'm going to miss everything here so much. It's odd.
OH DEER GOD. I can't even think of anything other than that for this word. OH DEER GOD. Also, I thought of Lily and Snape. Doe. Doe. A deer. A female deer. I don't know. Who knows? Oh. Also, I hate the deer here because the tourists are incapable of just letting them wander the side of the road in peace. They'll stop and stare and take pictures of them. Ack.
Repeat your words of love to me, darling. I need to hear them right now. I need to know that you love me. I'm so fragile. And see, I know you love me. But I just need to hear it sometimes. I just want to hear your voice telling me that I'm beautiful and that I cannot be replaced. I want to hear again and again and again, your voice, on repeat, telling me that you'll never let me go.
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writing since 2011 · 23 entries · 22 days shown up
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