Enirt
I want to demonstrate the pros and cons of who I am
But you won't let me do that, you only ever
Let me demonstrate anything, when it's my love for you
I don't think that I can do this anymore, I don't
Want to show you something you already knew.
It turns out
You are exactly who I thought you were
And I am
Better off without your controlling
Manipulative
Smiles.
I loved her because she wanted me to
Each day, giving in deeper
To the vague reflection
- the idea of the person i was supposed to be
I kissed her where she wanted me to
Each day, reaching places of her
That she saved for me
Heart beating, blood rushing in
and out of veins
Pushing, pulling memories along with emotion
Forcing you to feel it all
Enabling your ability to feel it all
She was sitting across the table
Touching her hair
Pretending not to see me
But I know that she saw me, because in the time after
She would stand in the corner of the classroom, looking straight towards me
Still pretending not to see me, but hoping to somehow catch my attention
Meanwhile..
I was walking down the hallways
Pretending not to notice her
But watching her, watch me.
Shapes, colors, figurates
Grey, sharp
Blue, round
Your body is a labyrinth and I
Am lost.
My emotions are everywhere
Today
I don't know which is which, or how to sort them out
So I let myself drown in them
Indulge
Hoping for the dark to come soon, and devour me.
There are no arms on this chair
On which I am sitting
Spending my every waking moment on this
Backstabbing chair
I wonder what it sees
At the back of my head
Is it blank?
To derive the truth from my words
From my actions
Pull your hands inside of me
Cut the cord that goes from my heart to my mouth
Look inside of my gut
Does it blind you?
I wanted to go on board
I so, so desperately wanted to hop on board and sail away
Into sunsets that I will now, never get to know
I wanted to breathe the fresh air
I wonder what it tastes like.
Does it taste like yellow, or does it taste like blue?
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