happilymourning
The pressure was too much. Too much, yet too little. My breathing was shallow, my heart was reckless, beating way too fast. And I never asked for this. No one ever asks for something like this. The pressure began to hurt. Began to make me wish that I was dead. Began to make me wish I was never even born. The force pushed me into the ground, destroyed every ounce of sanity left in me.
Eyes, hands, thoughts, everything. I'm travelling on a road I'll never understand. I'm just like you, I'm nothing like you. Your hands want everything. Your eyes want everything. Your thoughts want nothing at all, and mine want the absolute essence of the opposite everything of your desires
Because I couldn't tell what you were thinking when you looked at me. And you barely looked at me. And I used to be the only thing, but now I don't even know if I register on your radar. And it kills me everytime you overlook me for another. Because I love you, and you left me, and you said those three words you should never ever say when you're trying to shut someone out of your heart.
And now I'm doomed forever to wonder if this is real or not.
It was magic, plain and simple. An elixir kept not in a bottle but in a stare, a touch, a whisper, a sweet little nothing at the beginning of the day. And he had no idea of the deadly poison he used against me, because I didn't even register on his radar. A best friend to come to with problems, not fit for love, not fit for what he so desperately needed someone for.
It's like everything you've ever dreamed of, one chance to make everything true and real, one chance to turn the world, your life, all around. One chance, under the hot lights, one chance, to follow the music and the meaning and the dream and everything you've ever imagined. One last chance, you might not win, but everything's coming together and people can see you, can hear you, and even if you lose, someone might want you. It's one chance, let the music flow and see where it takes you.
It was soft, a slight movement, a tickling feeling. Almost like the soft whiskers of a cat. And it touched a place so darkened by time that I barely acknowledged it's existance anymore. And I loved you, and I still love you, but I realized what I needed from you all this time was just that little touch.
Take a seat, relax. I can promise you'll be here for a while. See, you've done something horribly wrong. And you deserve to be punished. Don't worry, it'll all be over soon. And all you'll remember is a terrible aversion to ever hurting him again. You may not realize what you've done, but you've hurt him and I love him and I will never forgive you. I don't even know you. Take a seat, relax. I can promise that you'll always remember the pain you made him feel as your own.
It unraveled like the last thread of a sweater from winters decades past. The one that was your favorite, that you wore every day even when it got too small. The one that held too many memories for you to just let go and move on to something new.
It unraveled, and I only wish it was brand new again.
It's like drowning, but the opposite. When you realize that things aren't as bad as they've seemed to be. And you may not exactly be swimming, but you're staying afloat and that's all the really matters. Staying alive, keeping your soul intact, that's all you need to worry about.
They expect us to be perfect, to appear as if we've never seen the hardships of the world. Walk in with a suit and tie and no matter who you really are, you're conformed, professional, and suave. Remember, in this world they don't care who you are, only that you can do what they need.
writing since 2010 · 11 entries · 11 days shown up
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lovechanceheartrememberwishbeganpainoppositerealizestayingworryunraveledseatrelaxpromisedone