kaleidoscopedust
Is a person whole when they haven't found what they're looking for? Are they truly leading half of a life? Or is what they're looking for the icing on the cake? The cherry on top? Did you make me whole? Or am I enough for myself?
I wondered if she existed. You wondered if I knew. Wouldn't it be easier to ask?
If I had control, I wouldn't have stayed the night at his appartment. If I had control, I wouldn't be a bitch to you all of the time. If I had control, we wouldn't have fallen apart. We would not be in this situation. If I had control... you would still be in love with me.
The final kiss.. one last smoking lip lock to send you on your way into singledom. You imagine your skin to be on fire, yearning for more with the knowledge that it never will be again. You imagine an epic song by the Fray to play in the background. But your nose is covered in snot and your face is covered in tears and the final kiss doesn't come.
And then you realize that you can't truly remember the final kiss at all.
I carried that box down the stairs and through the door. I threw that bitch out into the yard, and I kicked it to the curb in the same fashion that I kicked you. And if that doesn't make me strong, I'm not sure what will.
The bench's paint was wet. There was a sign telling you so, but you had to touch it... as if you had to be sure.
I loved you. I told you so every day. But you had to push me and push me... had to be sure. Until I wasn't even sure anymore.
Until the bench wasn't even wet anymore.
All I can think of is your last name. How'd they know? They tried fitting us together, I'm sure of it. Always playing opposite roles, always dancing and laughing together. It's really too bad that your best friend was in love with me, but you couldn't help keeping your hands all over. I still love you as a person.. but christ.
A card house. A hand of cards. A "just thinking of you" card. What do they all mean? The mean fragility. They're the meaning of the game. They're a manipulation tool. I won't be a card. I won't live in your card house. And I won't accept "just thinking of you"s any more.
Your heart, my heart. We're all so tangled. I never thought I'd let myself get into this kind of a mess... this kind of a struggle. But soon, my love, I will untangle myself from you. My heartstrings will be free from yours. I refuse to remain tangled in you.
writing since 2011 · 9 entries · 9 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Emilly showed up.
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the words Emilly reaches for
surelovecardcontrolfinalkisshearttangledhousethinkingmeanwetpushanymorebitchkicked