Lucian Haigonvire
It always takes a while to recover. And it'll still hurt afterwards. No matter what, it'll stay, it'll linger, it'll fester under your skin until you can't handle any more. But trying to speed a recovery up-- It'll only make it more painful in the long run. You'll always be able to remember how good it felt, or how amazingly optimistic you were before the incident. And you'll want to go back to it... But at the same time, you'll be moving on. And recovering from making that decision is honestly complete bullshit. But you can't stop recovery, and you can't finish it up in an hour. Just allow it to happen. Allow it to /be/. It'll take you places you've never been for. Thank you, recovery.
She was always excluded. Or she always excluded herself. It was one or the other. Yes, she was tired of it. Yes, she didn't want it to happen. Yes, she so desperately wanted to be included. But did she ever try? No. Did the others ever think to try? Maybe, but no. And it's always been that way. "You went somewhere last friday with the others?" "Eheh... yeah, a-actually. Sorry you couldn't go, we'll make sure to bring you next week!" And repeat. She always got left out. Every activity, every jam time, every study group-- look for pictures, and she'd never be there. She was sick and damn tired of not being there, but she... never tried to change it. And the others didn't either. Because honestly? Everyone was so used to her absence that sometimes, they forgot when she actually was there. And sometimes she forgot it too.
Take it carefully, step by step. It'll take a while to recover, I know. And I know that it'll hurt, each step you get farther away. But you have to. It's going to hurt, and you're going to want to turn around and go leap right back into his or her arms, but please... don't torture yourself any more. You cannot turn around, and you cannot walk back. Not unless you want to witness yourself wither away as the seasons pass day by day, month by month, year by year. The steps-- they don't have to be big and mighty. They don't have to be life-changing, or anything of the sort. They just... have to get you safe. Alright? Step. By. Step. That's the key....
writing since 2016 · 4 entries · 4 days shown up
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stephurtyesothersrecoveryrecoveryourselfcannotexcludedtiredhappeneitherhonestlysometimesforgotallow