ninasafiri
he sticks to the bottom of my shoes, like street gum. i smile, but i tell him no. i wave, but i tell him no. i don't accept lunch invitations. i'll never go to dinner with him. stop coming by, i don't want this. i don't want you, but if i ever tell you in words. i don't know what you'll do (to me).
I'm not going to take him back this time. My bags are packed and I sold my old car and I'm going back home. The bruise is no longer swelling, but it's hot to the touch and I can't see all the well. I can't let this go any further.
It's purple polka dotted over white canvas, can't miss it. I feel the little under 50lb weight dragging behind me, rolling over small hills and getting stuck in sidewalk cracks. I can't remember what is was like, being free.
I'd wish you'd stop fidgeting. Stop pulling threads on the bottom of the suit jacket. The judge is staring you down and he knows you're lying. He knows you're lying.
So I'm seated now, looking over this menu, glancing back to make quick peaks at the other full tables. I am the only one dining alone. I will order an appetizer, an entrée, and maybe even dessert. And then I will leave this place full of people to my empty house, to be by myself.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
There is mud on the bottom of my jeans and raindrops seeping into the seams of my t-shirt but I can barely feel it now. I'm standing ankle deep in deception, watching you move the lamps into boxes and onto the truck; a new life beginning - for you, without me.
And into the mist we went, brave and tall-backed warriors. There was no fear in our eyes, even as our hearts beat irregularly - adrenaline rushing through our veins.
There was no place for hesitation in this place of the gods.
I took that final bow a long time ago, but the show isn't over yet. 'Encore!' they cry. 'More!' they plead.
Look at my bones. They are old and ruined and cracked with time. I have nothing more to give you. I gave my final bow.
Choo choo, baby. She's a'comin'.
Faster than you can ride across two slats of metal, a roaring engine in chugging its way down the tracks and she don't stop for nobody. I want to be that train. I want to watch somebody cross my tracks and I'm gonna blow my horn and tear them in two - 70mph steel and anger.
Try and cross me again.
You come with me wherever I go. You're my back up, my second in charge. Facing the world with nothing but what I have in my heart and what I think in my head. You'll always be with my - my homies, my crew.
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writing since 2011 · 14 entries · 14 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Ninasafiri showed up.
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14days written
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the words Ninasafiri reaches for
stopalonenowbottomtalleyesbehindfaceagochootrackscrossfinalbowfulllying