nriles

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He spoke with the untamed oil of a man on the rise. Sitting down with utter precision and grace. "Well, we could just kill a couple of hours then." he smirked at me. Like honest to god smirk. A lot of men have tried to produce such a genuine display of confidence and few succeed. It was easy to be putty in his hands.

collage

I am nothing. The walls are blank. I am nothing. He hands me the glue. I am nothing. I stare out into the world. I am nothing. "Just go over the back of it like this" he demonstrates, "And be sure to smooth all of the air pockets when you push it onto the wall" and he smiles. They don't do that topside where I'm from. Don't make eye contact and trace each others facial features. You don't smile and you sure as hell don't decorate the walls of whatever cave you happen to be staying in. We press the pictures onto the wall of a bedroom meant for someone with a heart like his. But I am no one. And this feels like nothing.

homeless

The sounds of cars was a constant echo. Like the sounds into some lopsided f-ed up womb or something. But maybe that was all the alcohol talking. Mostly what got to me was the pressure. The constant knowledge that any time at any moment I would be out again. Left to the warriors of the cleanse, and there was no one, any where to stop it.

shoulder

He smells like fuel and dirt and a hundred other feelings we never talk about. Sorrow and pain. Loss sometimes. Danny just takes a bite of his sandwich and I put my head against him. Listening to the place where his heart meets his arms. A thousand miles off a planet explodes destroying everything. "Wish mom and dad could see this" he says.

crow

They came. Waves of black cascading through the sky. Storming down towards us. From the backdoor you could watch them. Inky black feathers dotting out every speck of sky. I wondered how we were going to get out of this one. How something so simple could turn into such an eruption.

writing since 2013 · 6 entries · 6 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Nikki showed up.

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on this day 13 years ago

Nikki wrote about hell
“Hell is a woman dressed in red. A golden girl who slinks into the room beside you and makes eye contact. It's the girl who lounges next to you and winks. The girl that draws your breath away. It's th…”

the words Nikki reaches for

hellgirlblackskybiteheartsoundsconstantwallshandssurewalleyecontactsmilebreath