Octowhat
trapped in little teensy glue pools or pinned on corks and set atop a stream
their mouths rimmed with hooks and they pucker up for a kiss
round wounds round worms round bellies strings of lifer twisting out of the bottom of your foot
some are jellyfish some like the same stuff you did some people buy swordfish and pay extra for the movement from worms that decided finders keepers.
losers weepers weeping sores lick it away lick it away taste the warm rot and put the worm back in your arm
why are the things that are always intangible
the ones that scream to be touched?
when i near the end of my life
and i see you holding my hand
i will take a breath and pop
into billions of bits of me
i'll float on the air, fall into the pockets
go through a cigarrette or three
and i will still exist, still living
but it'll be the freest kind of free.
why is it i never feel that tingling
that feeling that i've done right
because underneath the mingling
of smiles and eyes all bright
i feel like what I want to see myself become
is wasted and lost under my bed
along with my journals and socks and some
things that i thought were dead
Hidden talent can not be smelt
nor dealt with in a reasonable way
why oh why does jealousy get all over your dress
and hands
and chin
but you don't use a napkin
to clear it away and accept
there is always someone better
smarter
laughter
pain
you can try to lose it
but you won't gain
Death collected my dog today.
He's lying on a blanket, shaved hiney covered and eyes half open.
I wish we could have given him more, but all I can think of is
he was still so warm.
Sticky tricky bits of light
They know, they know, so don't put up a fight
Because you know it much better than they
That glue won't keep the burns away...
But into the glue jar you let your hands dive
lick your little fingers, feel the moisture dry
The wormy squirmy, mushy heart
has no need for plastic art.
Roll up your socks if they cling to your toes
blink twice and once if the beating slows
You know who I am and if you don't I won't tell
rosy cheeks don't suit you too well.
Such a careless movement
no layers to plan
just one decision to make
yes
or no
definitive
be flung
or climb out of the cradle and think of what it could have been
no backsies
no chance for regret or repeats
toss and turn, weigh the options
because once it snaps
whips into the air
and then it's clear
it will have to end
and it won't be graceful, will it?
rounded like a door knob, then
sloped like a valley
ending at the trunk of a sapling
and if you dare to climb it
nestled in the leaves
among the birds and the blossoms
is the most terrifying thing:
the mind of man
It seems to be the same again and again
I make a whole future for ourselves bathed in honey light
I set myself up for quite the fall as soon as I fall in love
I have the feeling that you shouldn't be able to do this to me
whoever "you" are, but it seems like every single time
I'm on the floor writhing and my hair gets soaked
my nose runs, my throat clogs up
and I'm choking up on sobs and smashed would-be memories
I feel wrapped in cellophane
under my eyes seize up
my face tingles
my ears feel washed but dulled
I burn up and my heart...
oh my god my chest
let's not
like we won't be the way I wanted
because oh no no no goodness no
I shake and I shake, wringing my hands
bite my fingers and knuckles to see the marks I can make
revel in the throbs and pain.
i look in the mirror to see me
contorted into this blotchy, red-eyed wrinkled fool
kicking my legs like a child in a tantrum
I look like an idiot
so…what to do?
write
make something
I even know these things will come
just why is it never me?
why does it always be someone else who is happy
can know you like no other
will bore you or not
and I will be there with a pathetic box of chocolates
or left at the altar of an unplanned wedding
dolled up, nearly wetting myself with excitement and possibility
and away it bubbles and smokes like a photograph thrust into a fire for dramatic purposes
I don't want to do anything but wrap myself up in a heavy carpet and bleed myself dry
eat myself whole
glow with such force that I dissolve
explode
the pressure from my wracking sobs should do that but
mercilessly
I stay intact to continue this cycle again and again
and I know it
I KNOW THAT WE COULD BE SO MUCH
I SEEEEEE ITTT
ht 2gjokngklns'glmdglms
ds
but it's not to be
so save your tears for something that happens.
I wept a little when I realized
that the one you loved was apart from me
that you would extend a hand to help her down from a ledge
or a stage
or a wall
and I would be left to jump and hear my knees crack and bend
I could lie down and let them throb
(hot pulses how wonderful)
but you'd be walking away and I want
(need?)
to follow
because it hurts so well to be tossed away by you
to be ignored by you
it makes me feel special
as if I'm the only one whose heart has been broken
(not that I'm the only one you'd love, a bit too late for that one.)
If only
those words like to pop up
If only I had not blushed so much
(when you once called me bashful I almost threw up)
If only I had spoken to you
(that was a biggie.)
If only I had made you realize that there were people who wanted to be with you
who "like" liked you.
It's childish…
And I can't be mad at this girl
(even if I convince myself I'm superior…I can't help my nature).
I can't hate her for taking away something only I was aware of
and I can't blame others for not caring about it.
not knowing
that's what it comes down to.
and my mother is right, of course.
that in a few years we may see eachother at a party or some other
(stupid)
gathering of old friends and we will have beautiful people on our arms and I can say then
"I nearly loved you, you know."
Then again, you may know now
and I'm not for you
and I can't blame you for it
(as easy as that would be).
I'm tired, though
Tired of being so blue and heavy
(blue from bruises, heavy from…?)
And, you know,
(you know)
It's okay that you broke my heart a little.
made me tougher
made me realize things don't work out
(goodness do I know that)
And I'm very happy
that you're happy.
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the words you reach for
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