plucas04
my parents' medical dreams for me
may not be the same dreams i dream.
but how will god's dream come to be?
that is the only dream that i'll see.
it is hard to obey my body. it tells me to sleep and i don't. it tells me its full and i keep eating. it tells me it needs exercise and i lay around. what is up with that? instead i obey my lazy, habitual mindset. i must change this.
i study my life too often. i worry about living in between two realities, splitting myself in two. the truth angers me. i wish for the way things used to be, but in such a way that wouldn't ruin the way things are. minus the studying.
laughter is an instant vacation. i find that it carries me to a place where nothing is heavy or broken. its brevity is surely a shame. can it be silent? eyes can laugh i suppose. they crinkle with humor and shoot towards the sky.
every day i shuffle to class, drag my ass. today, i changed. i slept. i wish i had wept in pursuit of release. why didn't he invite me? i can feel the crease
in my heart.
the orchestral harmony of your smile makes my heart ache. so many perfectly silent sounds resonate within my soul, inspired by your pleasure. i wish i was to your liking.
my shame pierces my fogged consciousness like a winter icicle. embarrassed? yes. abso fucking lutely. i hope he didn't see my vag as i heaved my dinner all over the alpha phi bathroom.
i am positively alive. that might be all i know. my first thought was i am positively in love with so and so but the thing is i don't think i love him. i may not even like him. i've come to terms with the fact that i love him as a friend, but that i'm starting to think that he can fulfill my emotional needs. which he can't. because of her. goddamn!
he, she prints on her printer. why does she let them? she's only being generous i suppose. too generous if you ask me. is there such a thing as too generous? they should just pay for their own prints.
writing since 2011 · 10 entries · 9 days shown up
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